You Can't Always Get What You Want
by Writer Formerly Known As G
Summary: Summer and Ryan have been each other's rocks. What happens four years down the line and can they find and hold on to each other? Rymmer of course. Please READ and REVIEW.
1. Cruel Crazy Beautifull World

**Chapter 1**

Ryan Atwood was lying in his bed in the Cohen's pool house. He was thinking about all of the events the previous couple of days. "Man and I thought Chino was screwed-up!" Ryan thought to himself. He thought about how the one person he loved the most and thought he could trust had betrayed him. Marissa picked Oliver above him without as much as a bat of her eyelid. He thought about how the Cohen's were supposed to be his parents and that he supposedly could go to them with anything. "Yeah, that turned out fantastic!" Ryan spoke out loud and cursed himself for thinking that he finally had a place where he could belong – a place that he could call home. He though about how not even Seth, the person he thought of as a brother, believed him when he said Oliver was crazy. Finally he thought about how ironic it was that the only two people who believed in him where the two he never thought would be his allies – Luke and Summer.

There was a knock on the door and although he didn't feel like talking to anyone, he knew that if it was one of the three Cohen's he would have to talk to them eventually and he thought he would rather get it out of the way now so he said who ever it was must come in. As it turns out it was Seth. Just by the way he walked Ryan could sense he was perplexed by the way he had acted. "Hey man, listen, I'm sorry. I should've believed you when you said Oliver was dangerous. It's just, well, he seemed so normal. Tell me everything is okay between us." Seth was clearly sorry but he hurt Ryan and Ryan wasn't prepared to just forgive Seth and when Ryan spoke his voice was cold "Normal? Normal Seth? And what was I? Abnormal?" Seth tried to stop Ryan but Ryan was steaming ahead "You were supposed to be on my side, you weren't supposed to pick the other guy's side! Tell me Seth, who helped you get Summer? Who helped you get over Summer? Who helped you when the water polo team wanted to beat you up? Who listened to your various rants and raves and who, Seth, was your supposed best friend? Me Seth, me. Good old Ryan Atwood. How do you repay me? By distrusting me! So, no Seth, everything is not okay between us and truthfully, I can't see everything being okay with us anytime soon."

Seth was dumbstruck. He knew Ryan took things seriously but this was way off par. He also knew that he clearly should give Ryan some room before even trying to breach the subject again. As far as friends go, Ryan was his best and he wasn't prepared to lose him.

Just as Seth left the pool house Ryan's cell phone started to ring. Without even thinking or looking at the caller display he grabbed it and flipped it open and gruffly said "Yes?" The voice on the other end of the line was clearly intoxicated. "Ryan, Baby, is that you?" Only one person called Ryan Baby and that was Marissa Cooper. Marissa must be on another drinking binge after the Oliver-incident, thought Ryan. Nowadays she didn't need a very good reason to drink. "Marissa?" Ryan inquired although he knew it was her. "Ryan? Can you come and get me? I'm at Holly's. Please Baby, I need you." Before Ryan could respond the line went dead. "Shit! She knows just which buttons to push!"


	2. Basket of Snakes

**Chapter 2**

As long as Ryan could remember he was alone. His Dad left when he was four. His Mom never left but was never there either. His brother, Trey, was ten years older than Ryan and from the age of 14 Trey was either in jail or on the run from being in jail. Friends were a luxury Ryan couldn't afford to have – in the streets of Chino you couldn't trust anybody and it was only a matter of time before someone you considered a friend stabbed you in the back. Theresa was the exception to the rule. Ryan could trust her with anything, she was his best friend and he would do anything for her. For her he even sang in a musical. Ryan was fifteen when Theresa was killed. A casualty of the war in Chino. Ryan blamed himself because he told himself that had he been there maybe he could have done something. For weeks he barely ate and almost never spoke. Trey eventually got him out of his funk. That's when Ryan discovered what a wonderful crutch heroin could be.

All Ryan could think about was where his next fix could come from – he didn't care about anything else. It was a very expensive habit to support and eventually Ryan had to turn to crime to get enough cash together for his next fix. Three days after his sixteenth birthday Ryan and Trey were trying to steal a car when the police caught them. It was Trey's third strike so they were going to through the book at him. Ryan was lucky; he would only have to spend three months in juvie. It was there he met Sandford Cohen, his court appointed lawyer. Sandy, as he told Ryan to call him, took pity on Ryan and convinced the judge to release Ryan into his custody. Sandy's wife, Kirsten, was at first apprehensive about Ryan but after meeting him she too saw the potential in Ryan. They adopted Ryan but stipulated one condition, if he was caught using drugs; he was out on his own. Ryan realized he had been given a second chance and he was grabbing hold of it with both hands. He vowed never to disappoint the Cohen's or let another friend down.

When he met Seth Cohen he saw through the sarcastic one-liners and the quirky geekiness and saw the shy guy who needed a friend. He realized they were more alike then anyone would say and they became fast friends. In Seth he found the friend he so desperately wanted and needed.

Marissa Cooper literally was the girl next door. He fell in love with Marissa the moment he saw her. Ryan blindly walked into the deathtrap that was Marissa Cooper. To Marissa, Ryan was just another way she could piss her mother off – although Ryan only realized this later. To Ryan, Marissa was a buoy he could cling to in a rough sea, not realizing she was doing most of the clinging. She was needy and jealous. She was an alcoholic and Ryan had to save her from herself many a time. It wasn't a very healthy relationship but Ryan had vowed never to leave someone who needed him so he stuck by her. When Oliver Treacky came to Newport High Ryan knew something was wrong with him. He knew Oliver was unstable but no one believed him, not even the people he trusted the most, Kirsten, Sandy and Seth Cohen. Only Luke Ward, Marissa's ex-boyfriend, and Summer Roberts believed him. Marissa broke up with Ryan after he and Oliver got into a fist fight and Ryan was grounded due to that same incident. The entire Oliver-situation finally came to a head when Oliver told Marissa he was in love with her and she didn't reciprocate his feelings. He hit the ceilings and pulled out a gun. Marissa called Ryan and true to his character he sped to the scene. He talked Oliver out of shooting Marissa and himself but everyone realized nothing would ever be the same again.


	3. Nice Guys Finish Last

**Chapter 3**

After Marissa's phone call Ryan contemplated not going to get Marissa. It was only for a moment because he knew that he would do anything for her. True to his nature he would once again drop everything for someone he loved. He snuck out of the pool house, knowing full well that if he was caught he might as well add another couple of months to his sentence of solitary confinement in the pool house. He didn't care – he knew how Marissa got when she was drunk and after Oliver she was even more unstable.

When he reached Holly's house Luke came storming up to him. "Dude, thank goodness you're here! Marissa's gone of the deep end. She won't listen to me or Summer. She's in the hot tub with Kevin."

Kevin was two years older than Ryan and Ryan knew he was only after one thing. Hearing Luke say that Marissa was with him, made Ryan's blood boil. Marissa couldn't think for herself when she got drunk and Kevin was taking advantage of that. Ryan rushed passed Luke, having been to Holly's one previous, albeit disastrous, time he knew exactly where to go. When he saw her he knew she was close to passing out. Summer was trying to coax her out of the hot tub but the other guys around them found the entire situation too funny and were making fun of Summer so she wasn't having any luck.

Ryan cautiously approached Marissa, knowing he had to get her away but grasping that it wasn't going to be easy. He pushed through the throng of guys and bent down to Marissa and said: "Marissa, it's Ryan. Why don't you get out of the tub and I'll take you home. Come on." For a few seconds Marissa looked at Ryan and he could see the dazed look in her eyes. When it finally dawned on her who he was she spoke to him in a slow and slurred voice. "Ryan, is that you? You came… I don't want to go home right now. I'm enjoying myself too much." As she said that she leaned over towards Kevin and kissed him.

Ryan closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened them again he could see Summer looking at him with a pleading look in her eyes. Even she recognized that if anyone was going to get through to her, Ryan was going to be the only person to be able to do so. He grabbed Marissa and tried pulling her out of the tub whilst saying "Come on, you're going home with me!" but Kevin was not having any of it. He pushed Ryan off of Marissa and got out of the tub. He stood in front of Ryan and scowled at him. "What the hell is your problem, Chino? Can't you see the girl is enjoying herself? Nobody invited you to this party so get your lowlife shit together and leave."

Everyone around them saw that this was pushing Ryan to his limit and it took all his strength not to punch Kevin right then and there. He slowly inhaled and exhaled and spoke a little too controlled: "Kevin, I'm here to take Marissa home and no one's going to stop me. Either you get out of my way willingly or I'll have to make you. What's it going to be?"

If any of the people standing around Ryan and Kevin knew Ryan, they would realize that when he spoke so calm and controlled he was at his most dangerous so when Kevin said "Make me" Ryan lashed out at him with all his strength and hit him in the stomach and kneed him in the face. Kevin collapsed to the floor, clutching his stomach - blood freely flowing from his nose and upper lip. Ryan stood with his fists clenched, ready for any one of Kevin's friends who made the mistake of trying to come to their friend's rescue. Had it not been for the superfluous anger Ryan felt he would probably have been touched that Luke chose to join him – his only ally in the sea of Kevin-supporters.

Before anyone could make a move Marissa started to scream at Ryan "How dare you Ryan? I said I wanted to stay. Kevin was only honoring my wishes! Why do you always have to try and be my savior? I don't have to be saved! I am fine. Go!" Ryan was taken aback. "Marissa, you called me. Understand? You, called me. I was under the impression that you wanted me to come and get you. What the hell?" Ryan was struggling to comprehend what was going on.

When Marissa spoke something inside Ryan broke. "Why are you making this so hard for everyone? Understand this, Ryan. You don't belong here, don't you see? You will always be the criminal drug addict from Chino." she laughed sardonically and added "You never were anything other than a plaything to me. Something to piss my mother off with. Do you realize how every one of my friends laughed when I told them you said you loved me? You're a joke Ryan. Not even the Cohen's really want you with them; you're only a fashion accessory to them. I think you should leave because clearly you're not wanted here."

Ryan turned and both Summer and Luke saw the defeated look in his eyes. Both realizing they should do something. Both knowing that Ryan wouldn't allow them do anything.

Ryan knew Marissa was only trying to hurt him. He knew it was the alcohol speaking and not really Marissa. He knew he shouldn't take anything to heart. Yet, somehow all his fears and irrational thoughts took hold of him he couldn't think of one reason why he shouldn't answer the craving he has had ever since he came to Newport. So he decided to answer the craving. He heard the laughs as he left Holly's house. He climbed on his bike and shut out all outside noise. He never heard Luke or Summer cry his name. Never saw Marissa realize the mistake she had just made or her trying to run after him. He was a man possessed with a hunger that only one thing could quench. He rode down to the pier and sought out the nearest dealer and spent all the money he had on him, on heroin…


	4. Missing You

**Chapter 4**

Ryan was missing for five weeks. The Cohen's were frantic. They had searched everywhere. They had called all the hospitals. Though they didn't really want to hear their answers, they even called the morgues. They called Ryan's mother, Dawn, and his brother, Trey. They called all his old friends in Chino. They called all the hotels in a 100 mile radius. Everyday one of them stayed at home, hoping and praying that Ryan would call. Hoping and praying that someone found him. Hoping and praying that the news they received weren't bad news. They knew they played a big part in Ryan's leaving by not being there for him when he needed them most and that fact haunted them twenty four hours of the day.

Seth was inconsolable. His brother and best friend was missing. He blamed himself for not being there for Ryan during the Oliver-debacle. He told himself that Ryan would've taken him along had he not been mad at him. He told himself that Ryan would not have run away if he knew Seth would be there for him. He told himself he could've convinced Ryan to stay had he only been there. He blamed Marissa for not only breaking Ryan's heart but breaking Ryan.

Summer Roberts was at the Cohen's house everyday. She helped man the phone. She blamed herself for not going after Ryan when he left Holly's house. Marissa had been her best friend but when Oliver came to Newport, Marissa had changed, for the worst. She started to push Summer to the side when Summer told Marissa that something was off with Oliver. Their mutual dislike made Summer and Ryan unlikely allies – enemy of my enemy is my friend. During the time that Oliver was in town Summer came to know Ryan. She discovered that even though he rarely spoke, when he did one couldn't help but listen. He was the most kind, loyal and, strangely enough, deep person. They went from allies to friends in no time at all. She understood his need to protect those closest to him and he understood her loneliness. Both having scars they carried around from childhood. Both having been judged by where they came from and not who they are. Summer realized Ryan was more than just the criminal from Chino and Ryan saw through Summer, seeing her as more than just a fashion obsessed Newpsie. After Ryan disappeared she threw herself head first into her candy-stripping duties – every patient being Ryan in her eyes.

Luke Ward searched the streets of Newport and its surrounding areas every night hoping he would find his friend. Ryan was with him when they found out his dad was gay. All of the people at school judged and ridiculed Luke but Ryan stood by his side. Ryan was the only person Luke could rely on in his time of need so it seemed only natural to Luke that he had to stay by Ryan's side when Ryan needed him most.

Marissa Cooper was well aware of the fact that she had been the reason Ryan left. She knew she said things that hurt Ryan. She knew that she never deserved Ryan. He was her rock. When Oliver came she thought it was only Ryan's jealousy that made him mistrust Oliver only seeing later he saw the real Oliver. She still remembers his words when he urged Oliver to put the gun down "I know what it's like not having anyone you can trust. I know what it's like feeling that no one loves you…" She can still feel the hurt when she realized he was talking about her. She has decided to go into rehab, vowing never to hurt another person like she hurt Ryan. She just wished that she could get one chance to tell Ryan how sorry she was.


	5. Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad

**Chapter 5**

In the sixth week after Ryan's disappearance everyone's hopes started to fade. Marissa was in rehab, Seth was entrenching himself in his comics, Sandy and Kirsten withdrew from everyone and Luke and Summer turned to each for support.

Summer's candy-stripping duties sometimes took her to hospitals other the Newport General. On this faithful Saturday she found herself in Chino at Jefferson Memorial when a call came into the ER about a young Caucasian male who overdosed on heroin. Without any proof she knew it was Ryan. When the ambulance stopped in the ambulance bay her fears were confirmed, It was Ryan and his live was hanging by a thread. The doctors and nurses pushed her aside and rushed Ran inside.

She heard the sounds coming from behind the curtains. She heard words such as "crashing", "v-fib" and "we're losing him". She heard the monotonous beep of the heart monitor as Ryan flat-lined. She heard the doctors yell for the paddles and she heard them shock Ryan's body to get his heart going again. She felt as if her entire world came crashing down around her. She vaguely remembered a nurse asking her if she knew the John Doe that was just brought in, her head nodding in affirmation and the nursing telling her that she couldn't be in there and that they would call her if there was any news.

When the doctor came out the Summer rushed to him. He turned to her and gave a small smile. Summer's heart leapt to her throat when he said "He made it." It felt as if the sun burst through the clouds after two weeks of rain and the doctor continued "He's not completely out of the woods yet but I'm confident that he will pull through. The worst is over but we're keeping him in a medically induced coma to get him through the worst withdrawal symptoms. When he wakes up, he will have to enter a comprehensive rehabilitation program because if he ever uses heroin again, his body will completely shut down. The stab wounds were also not too deep, but deep enough to cause problems had he not been brought in today. We cleaned and stitched them up as best we could but he'll probably have some bad scars because of the long time they went without medical attention. Your friend is lucky to be alive. We're keeping him in the ICU until we start to bring him out of the coma. You can see him if you like." With that the doctor turned and left.

Summer's hand shook as se pulled her phone out of her purse and called the now familiar number of the Cohen's house. After only two rings Kirsten answered. "Kirsten? It's Summer, I have good news. I've found Ryan. He is at Jefferson Memorial. He over dosed on heroin and was brought here. He made it though, thank goodness. They're keeping him in a medically induced coma until the worst withdrawal symptoms are over. I think you should come right away." She heard Kirsten start to cry and only barely heard Kirsten say that they are on their way.

Summer went to the ICU right after speaking to Kirsten. She apprehensively opened the door and got the fright of her live when she saw Ryan. He looked as if he barely ate during the time he was away. He was as white as a sheet and his eyes were sunk into their sockets with black circles surrounding them. His chest and left shoulder was covered in bandages; underneath Summer guessed were the stab wounds the doctor spoke about. Summer started to cry. "Why Ryan? Why? Why did you have to do this to yourself? You shouldn't have had to go through this alone. Luke and I, even Seth, would have been there for you." She wiped the tears from her eyes and spoke with more conviction "When you get through this, I promise you, everything will be better. Just get through this…" She fell silent and just held Ryan's hand as he slept.


	6. I Finally Found Someone

**Chapter 6**

Sandy, Kirsten and Seth rushed into the ICU looking for Ryan and found Summer holding Ryan's hand. Summer turned and saw the Cohen's, all three of them having tear stained cheeks. Upon seeing Ryan Kirsten once again burst into tears. Summer got up and said "I think I'll give you guys sometime alone with Ryan…"

For the next eight days, the Cohen's and Summer watched as Ryan's body went through all degrees of withdrawal. They were glad Ryan couldn't feel any pain because even though he was in a coma, they could see the effect it was having on his body. They decided that Ryan shouldn't be left alone and they took turns sitting by his side. On the ninth day the doctors agreed that it was time Ryan came out of his coma and slowly started to reduce the barbituates that kept him in the coma.

Summer was sitting next to Ryan when he opened his eyes. At first she was afraid it was a dream but when he spoke she started to cry from relieve and happiness. "Hey Summer… Do I look that bad?" A small smile crept to Ryan's lips as he said that and Summer playfully slapped his shoulder as she said "Ryan Atwood, you can be glad you didn't die because if you did, I would've killed you! Don't you dare do that again!" She laughed as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

Ryan's eyes became weary and he asked "Summer, what happened, how did I get here?" Summer eyed Ryan questioningly "Ryan, you over dosed. Someone called 911 and they brought you here. Lucky I was here or who knows when we would've found you…"

"How long was I out for?" Ryan asked. His voice still raw after the life support pipes were pulled from his throat. Summer answered that today was the tenth day and it grew silent between them. Both unsure about how to breach the topic of Ryan's disappearance. Finally Summer spoke up.

"Ryan, what happened? You were gone for more than six weeks? Where were you?" Her voice was full of emotion when she asked that loaded question. For a moment it looked as if Ryan wasn't going to answer but he sighed and started "Firstly, you have to realize that I never meant for anyone to get hurt. Least of all you Summer. When I needed a friend, you were there for me. When I left Holly's that night I felt so defeated. For the first time since everything with Oliver started, it felt like I couldn't go on. For the first time since I came to live with the Cohen's it felt like I didn't have a hold over my addiction. I left Holly's and went down to the pier and got a fix, and for a while everything was right in the world. When I got down from my high I wanted to go back, I really did but the heroin had a hold over me again. I went to Chino to try and find my brother but I ran out of money. What little money I could scrape together I used for heroin, food and shelter was way down on my list of priorities. I slept in toilets and under cardboard boxes. The things I did for money… Damn Summer, I don't even want to think about it. Dave, a friend of mine from Chino, got me dealing because it was an easy way of supporting my habit. One day a deal went south and I got stabbed, it just, it hurt so much, I took a hit to make the pain go away and it felt so good and then I took another and then another… Before I knew it I had lost control and I felt myself slipping and the next thing I knew I was here, in the hospital…"

Summer was dumbstruck. Hearing what Ryan had to go through, hit her harder then she thought and she couldn't control the tears flowing through her eyes. She hugged Ryan and she felt when Ryan started to shake with tears. She knew Ryan was so lost right now and he needed her more than anything. She silently promised him that she would never let him get hurt again.

The Cohen's found them like that. Kirsten immediately rushed up to Ryan and Summer and joined their hug. Seth and Sandy tried to hold back their tears but failed miserably and also joined the group hug. They held each other for what seemed like eternity. Finally the doctor came in saying that only two persons were allowed with Ryan at a time. Summer and Seth silently left the room, giving Sandy and Kirsten time to talk to Ryan alone,

"Ryan, I am so sorry. We should have been there for you. You shouldn't have had to leave. We are your family. We love you." Kirsten spoke but the tears were still close to bursting through. Ryan was silent for a second, taking his time to gather his thoughts. "Kirsten, Sandy, you don't have to be sorry. I'm the one who should be sorry. I am sorry for what I put you through. I am sorry you had to worry. The past six weeks were hell. I never want to go through anything like that ever again…" Ryan broke down and started to cry again. Sandy told Kirsten that they should maybe give Ryan some space seeing as he just woke up from a coma.

When the Cohen's left, Ryan was exhausted and promptly fell asleep.


	7. Get Through This

**Chapter 7**

The next day Ryan was moved into a private room after Sandy made it clear to the staff at the hospital that Ryan was basically royalty. The doctor had spoken to Ryan about rehab and Ryan told the doctor to get him into a program as soon as possible.

"Hi, Ry, how're you feeling? I brought you a Seth Cohen ration pack. It has the new Legion comic, new Death Cab CD and some delectably delicious delights. You know, just in case the hospital food is getting to you…" Ryan was sensing that Seth was nervous and suppressed a laugh. "Listen Seth," Ryan said "I know you're sorry and it's fine. Almost dying made me realize that live is just too short to stay mad. We're family. Let's start over, okay?" The relief was written all over Seth's face. "Damn Ryan, you don't know how good it feels to hear you say that. I thought I would never get the chance to make things up to you. From now on it's Seth and Ryan against the world… Muhahahaa!" Before Ryan could say anything Sandy and Kirsten knocked on the door.

"Ryan, can we talk to you for a second?" Sandy inquired with a serious look on his face. "Sure Sandy. I also have something to say. Come in, sit down." The Cohen's were surprised about how high in spirits Ryan seemed. "Ry, we want to talk to you about rehab…" Before Sandy could finish Ryan interrupted him. "Sandy, before you go further I have to tell you that I've already spoken to the doctors. They've told me how important it is for me never to even think about taking drugs again. Dr. Conrad has already booked me into Safe Haven, I leave tonight. I need to do this on my own – I brought this on myself, I need to get myself out of this."

Sandy and Kirsten were surprised by the maturity with which Ryan had taken the decision. They realized what he said made sense and that he was right, he had to do this by himself. A moment of silence filled the air and Sandy was the first to break the silence when he said "Okay Ryan, we understand that this is something you have to do yourself. Just promise me that you won't ever run away again?" Although Sandy meant this as a joke all parties involved knew Sandy really meant what he had just said.

The rest of the day was spent in a much lighter mood. Seth, Luke and Summer sat with Ryan in his room arguing about which channel to watch. "Clearly we should watch cartoons. Cartoons teach us all we need to know in life, tell them Ry." Seth's geek side was showing again but he didn't care. "We have to ESPN. Come on! The Knicks are playing!" Luke was being the jock everyone knew he was and Summer was being Summer when she demanded they watch The Valley.

Ryan was silent. He contemplated his life and realized how bad he had missed his friends' banter. The group grew silent and Ryan realized that they had asked him a question, "Huh? What?" asked Ryan when his friends eyed him quizzically. Everyone started to laugh and Luke was the only one to be able to speak: "Dude, where were you? We just asked you a question and you totally spaced out! So, what do you want to watch?" Ryan thought for a moment before giving a stereotypical Ryan Atwood answer: "The weather channel?" Once again everyone burst out laughing. Seth was the first to react when he said: "Ooh snap! Ryan Atwood makes a joke! All is well with the world… Or is it? Is it normal for Ryan to make jokes? I'm confused…" Ryan laughed at Seth and then turned really somber. "Listen guys, I'm leaving tonight and I don't want to go without telling you guys how much I appreciate everything you've done for me. You didn't have to look for me, but you did. Thank you for being there for me. I want you to know that none of what has happened to me is your fault. Sorry for everything I put you through. I promise you today that I'm going to turn my life around. Thanks, thanks for everything. Before I start crying again I'm going to shut up, we're not going to talk about anymore and we are going to watch The Valley…" Ryan said and Summer yelled "Score!"

Ryan left later that evening. He made everyone promise that they wouldn't cry or say goodbye. Although as soon as he left Kirsten and Summer burst into tears and Luke and Sandy looked as if they weren't far behind.


	8. Better Off Alone

**Chapter 8**

The next two months seemed to fly by for the Cohens, Luke and Summer. Ryan wasn't allowed any outside contact so they didn't know how he was doing. He was only allowed one outside letter a week. All they knew was that he was still at Safe Haven because they would've been informed if he had left – it was a small comfort, but at least it was a comfort. At least they could keep him up to speed with the goings-on of Newport.

Summer and Luke spent most of their time together because even though Ryan had forgiven Seth, they still felt he played some part in Ryan's disappearance. Seth spent most of his time in Ryan's pool house. It was the place he felt closest to Ryan.

The day Ryan was scheduled to get back from rehab all his friends were at the Cohen's home. Summer could hardly contain her excitement and Seth even had his Jew-fro cut. The party had a dual purpose: it was Ryan's welcome home- and Luke's going away soiree. Luke's dad had gotten a job in Portland and Luke had decided to move with him.

Ryan took the bus home from Safe Haven saying he wanted to surprise everyone with how good he looked. When he finally reached the Cohen's he took a deep breath and rang the bell. He could hear every one fall over themselves to reach the door and he chuckled to himself. "Some things never change…" When the door opened everyone was surprised to see how good Ryan looked. "Dude, have you been working out?" inquired Luke. Ryan did a little turn and laughed – a sound that was music to Kirsten's ears. "Well, it was either work out or silently meditate, and trust me; one could only take so much meditating…"

Summer eyed Ryan curiously and was surprised to find that she found Ryan hot. He was always good looking but the added muscle made him sexy. She knew that there could never be anything between them; there was just too much baggage between them, with Seth and Marissa being the two biggest reasons. Even though she knew this, a small part of her still hoped. She resigned herself to being the best friend Ryan could hope for.

The day went by very fast and it was clear that Ryan had changed. He looked carefree. He seemed happier than he had ever been. Silently Sandy thought that Safe Haven was the best thing that could ever have happened to Ryan.

After dinner Ryan asked if he could talk to Sandy and Kirsten alone. They went into the pool house and Ryan closed the door. When he turned he looked serious for the first time that day. He waited until Sandy and Kirsten sat down before he spoke. "Before you say anything, hear me out, okay? When I got out of juvie, you guys adopted me under one condition – that I never used drugs again. You told me if I did, I was out on my own. I want to ask you to hold me to that. You see, at Safe Haven they made me understand that I have to stand on my own two feet and that is exactly what I want to do. If you were to offer me a second chance, I'm not sure I would be able to turn you down and if you don't, I don't know if my fragile heart would survive. No matter what, I would have to repeat my junior year so I have decided to take the rest of the year off and travel, I want to try and find out who I am. To do that, I can't be here. I have a ticket to fly to Johannesburg, South Africa tomorrow. Let me do this. Let me go."

Sandy and Kirsten sat there in silence and after looking at each other before they nodded their heads in agreement. Ryan gave them both a hug before he turned and left the pool house. To Ryan it felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders.

When Ryan came back into the house he decided to let everyone enjoy the party a little while longer before he broke the news to them. Even though it was his choice and the best decision in his mind, he didn't know whether they would see it his way.

Later that evening they were sitting in the living room. The topic of what they were going to do the next day brought up and Ryan fell silent, true to his nature. Summer noticed this and asked him what was wrong. Ryan knew that now was the time to tell them about his plans. "Well guys, now is as good a time as any to tell you, I guess. I'm going to Johannesburg tomorrow." There, he said it. He wasn't sure how they were going to take it. "On holiday? Ry, man, why didn't you say so? I would've joined you…" Luke said and Ryan became conscious of the fact that they didn't grasp his true meaning…

"No Luke, guys, I'm leaving. I won't be coming back. Not for a while at least. I told Sandy and Kirsten that I had to leave. My entire life I had something or someone to lean on. Whether it was heroin, guilt or even the Cohens. It became clear to me that I had to find myself; I had to find out who I am, without the crutches. I can't do that while I'm here."

Ryan's speech touched Summer and all though she didn't want Ryan to go; she knew it was something he had to do. Seth gave Ryan one of his geeky smiles and said "Promise me that after you found yourself, you'll come find me?" Luke gave Ryan a slap on the back and lightheartedly said "Ryan. You're stealing my mojo! I was supposed to be the mysterious guy leaving Newport to find himself! Now my story's going to be boring compared to yours!"

Even though the mood between the friends was grave, everyone grasped that the few moments they had left shouldn't be spent mourning and spent the rest of the night making jokes and watching reruns of The Valley.

In the morning, all that was left of Ryan was a letter. A letter he wrote to say the things he couldn't say out loud.

_Dear Sandy, Kirsten, Seth, Summer and Luke_

_I hope you understand why I left without saying goodbye. The passed four months have been the hardest of my life and I will never forget how you guys saved me. In a sense I guess you saved me from myself. I will never forget you and I hope you never forget me either._

_Saying goodbye has never been easy for me, that's why I left before you woke up. I hope you understand. You may think that this letter is a bad "goodbye", I would rather think of it as a good "see you later"._

_One day, when I'm less screwed-up, I'll come and look you up._

_Ryan_


	9. A New Day Has Come

**Chapter 9**

The years had passed and even though Summer never forgot Ryan, she thought of him less often. After Ryan left, Newport wasn't the same anymore, at least it felt that way to Summer. She grew more serious and all the parties and social gathering lost its shine. She would rather work at a homeless shelter than go to the kick-off carnival. What little popularity she had left after she and Seth broke-up, slowly went down the drain. Strangely she didn't care. She was always an extrovert, surrounded by friends. After Ryan left she was a lot happier with just her own company. She was no longer part of the "popular"-crowd of which Marissa remained the queen bee. She focused more on her studies and teachers were surprised to find that Summer Roberts was actually a smart person. She sometimes found Marissa looking at her with a sad look on her face but what Marissa had done to Ryan would always be a giant elephant that stood between them.

When Summer graduated from Harbor High, she went to UCLA, majoring in English. She figured that English was a safe choice because she didn't know what she wanted to do with her life. It was only after she started to write that she discovered that she had a passion for journalism. People who knew the old Summer would never peg her as a journalist and it was that exact reason that Summer decided to switch universities. Portland University had one of the best journalism faculties and al though it wasn't exactly an Ivy League college, Neil Roberts was glad his daughter finally found her niche and agreed to let her go.

Summer stopped her car at her new dorm room and sighed. "Hello Branford Hall, I guess you're home for the next three years." She felt the eyes of some the guys around her on her body. She was glad she could still get that reaction out of guys even though she no longer dressed to be noticed. She took a few of her bags from her back seat and set of to find her room. After a lot of struggling she finally reached her door, room 412 Branford Hall.

Her roommate was already in the room and Summer silently wished they would get along otherwise a year could feel a whole lot longer. She put out her hand and said "Hi, I'm Summer Roberts. I guess we're going to be living together for the next year…" The girl gave Summer what looked like a quick once over and smiled. "Hi, I'm Allison Branders. You can call me Allie. Yeah I guess we're going to be living together. I hope you don't mind that I've taken this bed. We can switch if you want." Just by listening to the warm tone in Allie's voice Summer knew they we're going to get along just fine.

During the time they unpacked Summer got to know quite a lot about Allie. She knew Allie lived on a ranch near Portland and that Allie's dream was to become a lawyer. Allie told her about how great her parents were and Summer couldn't help but feel a pang of regret that she never knew her mother. She told Allie about Newport but left out the part Ryan because it was one story that unearthed too many emotions she would rather leave buried. Summer felt as if she knew Allie's sister, Gaby, personally after Allie had told her everything about her. Allie shared her doubts and fears with Summer and Summer reciprocated. The two years age difference between Summer and Allie seemed non-existent. Both of them were glad that they got on so well, living together would at least then not be so stressful.


	10. We Might As Well Be Strangers

**Chapter 10**

Summer was standing around the food hall waiting for Allie when she spotted a familiar face. His hair was longer and he had what could only be described as designer stubble but it was undeniably Ryan Atwood. Before Summer could stop herself she spoke out loud "Ryan Atwood?" When he turned to face her Summer could see that the years had treated him could. His face lit up and he jogged up to Summer. Summer didn't know what she was expecting but what she got was beyond anything she could've cooked up in her mind. He picked her up and gave her a hug and Summer could feel his rippling muscles through his t-shirt.

"Summer Roberts. Man is it good to see you! How are you? What have you been up to? What are you doing here?" Summer was laughing and couldn't contain her delight. "Slow down Ryan, One question at a time! I'm good, I've been good and I'm going here now. But you. Look at you. You look fantastic. How've you been? Are you studying here?" Before Ryan could answer a group of what looked to Summer like football players called out to Ryan. "Look Sum, I've got to go. I really want to catch up though. I'm not going to take your number because I'll just lose it, but I want to ask you to meet me here for lunch tomorrow. Is that okay or is it too forward?" Summer couldn't decide if he was shy or cocky when he asked that however there was nothing in the world that Summer would love to do more and she told Ryan as much. He just smiled and said "Cool. Tomorrow. Lunch. See you!"

As Ryan jogged off Allie joined Summer with a huge smirk on her face. "Wow Summer, you work fast!" Summer was taken aback and didn't really know what her roommate was talking about. "I'm sorry Allie, you seem to have lost me somewhere. Care to explain your statement?" Summer asked with obvious confusion in her voice.

"You're here three days and you've already bagged Portland University's own man's man, man-about-town, big man on campus…"

"Allie, seriously, you really have to be more specific. I have no idea about who you are talking about."

"The guy you were just with silly! He is the biggest catch PU has. You went fishing and caught the big one!"

When Allie said that Summer realized hat Allie was mistaking Ryan with her "Superman". "See, I knew you made a mistake. The guy I was just with is an old school friend. Ryan Atwood." Allie was dumbstruck and looked at Summer flabbergasted. "Ryan Atwood? The Ryan Atwood? I struck gold when I drew you as my roommate! Are you seriously friends with Ryan Atwood!"

Once again Summer was confused. "Yes. I'm friends with Ryan. Can you explain to me what makes my Ryan so fantastic?"

"Ryan Atwood is not only the captain of the football team but also the debate team. He's pre-med and probably the hottest guy on campus. He is the perfect mixture of brain and brawns. Are you sure you're friends with him?"

All of the information was a bit too much for Summer. She thought she knew Ryan but clearly he has changed a lot in three and a half years. A lot more than she has. "We used to be friends, a long time ago but I haven't talked to him lately at all…"


	11. Same Old, Brand New

**Chapter 11**

The next day Summer found herself self conscious about her looks for the first time in a while. She couldn't understand why because after all Ryan was just a friend. A very hot friend none the less. She was nervous about their meeting. She though about how much he had changed and how much she had changed and wondered whether they could still be friends.

When lunch time came around she was even more nervous. Even though Allie assured her that she looked fantastic she still couldn't help but doubt herself. She cursed Ryan for still being able to make her feel all gooey inside. She couldn't stop fidgeting and probably looked as nervous as she felt.

She made her way into the cafeteria and looked around for Ryan. When she couldn't find him she went to get herself a bagel and fruit juice. She was startled when she turned and bumped right into very broad chest. "Whoa, sorry to frighten you. I just thought I could skip the line by joining you here…" Summer was flustered when she looked up and into the eyes of Ryan Atwood. She saw that he was grinning widely. He was too hot for his own good Summer thought silently. "Wait for me while I get something to eat?" Ryan asked as he gave her a smile. Summer was only able to give him a small nod before he turned. Summer couldn't help but admire his backside and blushed when she realized what she was doing.

When Ryan finished getting his lunch he guided her to an open table. During their brief walk, Ryan was greeted by six groups of people – more proof to Summer of his popularity. A few girls even gave Summer a jealous stare.

When they sat down Summer was finally able to get her voice back. "So Ryan Atwood. I don't have to tell you look good but you do. What have you been up to? Rumor has it you're PU's own Big Man On Campus…" For a second Summer thought she saw embarrassment flash in Ryan's eyes but he quickly hid it away. "Yeah, I guess you could say that… University is no different than high school in that regard: if you're good in sports you are in with the in crowd." Summer could see that he didn't like speaking about his popularity but she wasn't about to give him a get-out-of-jail-free card so she pressed him further: "Tell me the Ryan Atwood story from that day you left Newport."

Ryan gave her his trademark Atwood smirk and started "When I left that day I went to South-Africa. I worked on a farm for two months and it was the most honest work I have ever done, the farmer was actually very sad when I left. I promised myself though that I would see the world and for the next five months I went everywhere. To France. To Italy. To Brazil. To Argentina. To Australia. To China. Always staying just as long as necessary to earn enough cash for my next plane ticket. Somewhere in a field in Bali I finally realized who I was and knew I could go and make something of myself. I phoned Luke from LAX and he said I could come and stay with him and his Dad. Luke was a senior and captain of the football team so naturally I received a lot of attention as his new house guest. I promised myself that I would go to college on my own steam and I recognized that a scholarship was my only chance and I was willing to do anything to get one. After I left Safe Haven I kept on working out so I was in quite good shape and so I joined the football team under Luke's tutelage. Turns out, I'm a real good quarterback, I was even picked for an all-state team. During everything I kept up my grades and started to like debate. Not to toot my own horn but in my senior year I was quite a popular guy all-round, a role I was willing to play as long as it got me into college. When PU neared me with a full scholarship for both football and debate I was quite eager to accept. That meant I could stay near my best friend, Luke, and fulfill my dream of becoming a doctor. What you see before you today is still the Ryan Atwood you used to know, now I just do what I have to, to get by… But enough about me, tell me the Summer Roberts story…"

The rest of the lunch was spent with both of them sharing stories from the three and a half years they had missed. Summer was surprised to find that Ryan had indeed stayed the same - even though he played football he wasn't a stereo typical jock. She told him about herself and Zach, about how Zach thought he could emotionally abuse her and how when she finally had enough he broke her arm and she had to get a restraining order. He confessed to not having a serious relationship after Marissa. Both realizing past relationships have scarred them deeply. She shared her newfound passion of journalism with him and he told her the story of how he worked in a hospital in Ghana and how that inspired him to become a doctor.

The more they talked the more Summer felt she knew Ryan and what made him tick she also felt a familiar attraction to him silently bubble to the surface. Just as she had almost four years ago she realized she would have to suppress said longing in order to have any relationship with Ryan.


	12. Who I Am, Hates Who I've Been

_I'm a bit miffed about my hit to review ration of about 0.8. At least people are reading my story though, right! The reviews have been good thus far so I'm going to keep posting. To everyone who has taken the time to review: Baie vokin dankie en kom weer! A special shout out to qoite, as my first reviewer you motivated me to keep posting. Dankie!_

_Now, on to what you are really here for, the story! This was actually supposed to be part of chapter 11 but a glitch on my laptop cut it out. _

**Chapter 12**

Who I am, hates who I've been

"The more things change, the more they stay the same" Summer thought as she looked at Ryan. Even though he spoke a lot more than four years ago, he almost never spoke about things that mattered. Neither the subject of the Cohens nor the subject of Marissa was even touched upon once. Summer knew that Ryan would never bring the subject up of own accord and decided to do so herself…

"So, Ryan, when was the last time you spoke to the Cohens?" Summer thought she saw a flash of emotion in Ryan's eyes, but he was a master at hiding his emotions. "After I left, it was hard to think about them. They are part of a time in my life that I don't want to go back to. They remind me too much of the person I used to be. The weakling who used drugs as a crutch. I don't ever want to feel out of control like back then- I've worked too hard to be where I am. As grateful as I am for what they've done for me, if I go back, I'm afraid that I might…" Ryan took a deep breath before he spoke again "I'm afraid that if I go back, I'll be that guy again - I'll start using again. I called Sandy and Kirsten when I got back to the States and I send them a card every Chrismukkah but that is the extent of our contact."

Summer was taken aback by how candid Ryan spoke about it. She didn't think he would answer. Let alone give her the truth. Once again she was surprised by how much Ryan has indeed changed. She felt confidant that if she asked about Marissa, he would also answer truthfully. She was torn however, she didn't know if she wanted to know the truth but she realized that if she and Ryan were to have any relationship they would have to speak about it eventually and so she decided to rip off the band-aid. Figuring that sooner is better than later.

She took in the silence between them before taking a deep breath and asking: "What about Marissa?" Ryan looked pensive before leveling his gaze at her. To her it seemed as if he was considering his answer for hours before he finally spoke. "When I came back, I called her. I called her to say that I forgive her. Because I did forgive her. After all that happened, it took me a trip around the world to fully comprehend that she wasn't responsible for her actions. She was sick. Having said that, I promised myself I would never get sucked down that hole again. Does that answer your question?" Summer didn't want to analyze her feelings of euphoria after hearing his answer, afraid of what the real reasons were.

Ryan became silent again and Summer could see the battle going on in his mind. As he swallowed and took a deep breath, Summer realized that whatever he was going to say was really hard for him. When he didn't speak immediately, Summer became anxious of his question. "Are they okay? The Cohens that is?" Summer almost let out a laugh to release all the tension she built up in anticipation of his question. The relief showed on her face when she answered "They are good. For a while after you left they struggled, I won't lie to you. But slowly things went back to normal. They still missed you but at least Kirsten stay home so often and Sandy didn't go surfing as often. Seth remained the geek he always was and without you at Harbor, he slid down the popularity ladder quite fast. He's going to Brown studying law and last I heard he and Anna was still going strong." He looked genuinely happy to hear that life at the Cohen residence resembled some form of normalcy.

Ryan looked at his watch and a soft groan escaped his lips. "Ugh, psychology class. I've got to go. I really enjoyed this. Don't be a stranger okay? In fact, Luke's coming over tonight to hang out. Why don't you join us? Here's my address, come any time. You look good Summer. Bye!" During Ryan's entire monologue all Summer could think about was how Ryan thought she looked good… She wasn't going to miss hanging out with him for all the money in the world!

_**If you want me to continue posting, R & R!**_


	13. Welcome To My Life

**_Hola Boys and Girls!_**

**_Originally my plan was to update every two days but my Clinical Technology test screwed that plan up. Nevertheless, here it is now. I'm stoked my review to hit percentile went up to 0.87. I'm aiming for 1 so let those fingers do the talking! I REALLY appreciate all the review thus far, you guys are keeping me motivated. READ and REVIEW if you want me to continue… MUHAHAHAA!_**

**Chapter 12**

_Welcome to my life_

"So you are going to be hanging out with Ryan tonight?" Allie asked as Summer was finishing up her English assignment. "Yeah, I'm going to his apartment. Luke's also going to be there. I haven't seen him since he left Newport. It's weird, I had to come here to see two of my best friends again." Summer and Allie were fast becoming very good friends and she thought that she could confide in Allie. "Yeah, you come to Portland to reconnect with the two most popular guys here... Anyhow, I know Luke has a girlfriend but what about Ryan? You can't tell me you never thought about the two of you getting together?" Allie was reclined on her bed and from her angle at her desk Summer could only just see the smirk on her face. "Even if I did, there could never be anything between us. Marissa was my best friend and she completely screwed Ryan up – he almost died because of her and I dated his brother. Well his adoptive brother…" Allie laughed and said "All those reasons you just gave, are in Newport and 4 years ago. Now is a different. Ryan is the perfect guy! You two can be great together! There is no reason you can't be together now. Anyway, during your entire repertoire, you never said: No Allie, I never thought about me and Ryan getting together…" All Summer did in response was throw a pillow a Allie's head only causing Allie to laugh harder.

Later that night made her way to Ryan's apartment and she was once again amazed about how nervous she was. She found Ryan's apartment and rang the bell. A while later Ryan opened the door looking a great deal more disheveled than earlier that day- he was wearing sweatpants and a wife beater. Summer wasn't sure he was ready for her arrival and she could smell something burning. "Ugh, hi Ryan. You said come anytime so… Here I am. Is something burning?" Ryan looked confused for a second before a look of recognition registered on his face "Son of bitch!" was all Summer could hear before Ryan sped off inside.

A few minutes later Ryan returned to the door. "Hey Summer. Sorry about that – I dozed off while I made diner. Apparently physiology is a great sleep-starter. Anyway, come inside. Luke will probably be here any minute now." Ryan ushered her inside and closed the door behind him. She looked around the apartment and she was amazed at how spacious it was. It had an open-plan living area with the kitchen next to the door. It wasn't a big kitchen but it held all the necessities. Ryan had two couches, a lounge chair together and a bookcase with the entertainment unit in the living area. His furniture wasn't new but it was surprisingly homely Summer thought to herself. Her conniving brain once again made her think about how nice it would be to be with Ryan – she quickly pushed those thought aside and sat down on one of the couches. Ryan looked as if he regained his composure and he sat down on the other couch.

"Listen Sum, I'm sorry about this. I was studying and trying to make diner when the time just got away from me. How was the rest of your day?"

"Fine. After lunch I went to the library for some research and after that I just finished my English essay… Nothing eventful."

"English assignment. What's it about?"

For the next hour they fell into a comfortable pattern of conversation. They talked about movies, music, college life, books and, Summer was astonished to find, fashion. As much as their taste was the same, they differed as well. Summer enjoyed debating with Ryan when they differed so when the bell rang announcing Luke's arrival Summer was chagrined that she would no longer have Ryan's undivided attention.

Ryan opened the door and immediately Luke launched into a diatribe. "Dude, what the hell is up with Coach Jones? Two miles a day? Does he not realize I need my beauty sleep? One doesn't look like I do, without a lot of effort going into it. I have this killer paper due for anthropology and the professor is a total bore so I've sort off missed a few classes, now I have to schmooze Lacy Young for her notes but she's still mad because you dumped her last year. Sometimes you make me really mad. Who's that? Dude, why didn't you say you had a girl here, I would've come back later…"

During his entire rant, Luke only saw Summer at the end and even then he didn't recognize her. He looked at her and slowly a look of recognition crossed his face. "Summer? Is that you?" Luke looked between Summer and Ryan, waiting for an answer. Summer laughed and went up to Luke to give him a hug. "After almost four years one would think you would be a bit more congenial towards a long lost friend!" Luke looked astonished before regaining his look of equanimity "Well just proves how forgettable you are…" Luke quipped and Summer playfully slapped him on his arm.

They spent the next couple of hours catching up and sharing stories. Luke and Ryan about their time in Portland and Summer about New Port. Luke hadn't change much in three years – he was still very much a jock at heart. Even though he majored in biology, it was clear that his studies didn't rate very high on his list. Summer wasn't surprised that Luke had a different girl every week and secretly she wondered about Ryan. At times Summer wondered why Luke and Ryan were friends, but at other times it became obvious how close they were and it was clear that they had a deeper understanding of each other after helping the other out when he was at his lowest. She also got a new image of Ryan – she thought his life was perfect but she now saw that at times he still struggled to keep things together and at times like these he turned to Luke. She obtained a more profound understanding of Ryan and another emotion Summer was unwilling to acknowledge also took hold of Summer. She didn't realize she her gaze lingered on Ryan quite a lot and she didn't see Luke eye her skeptically when that happened.

"I don't want to be a wet rag, but I stink…" Ryan said as Luke laughed and Summer eyed him questioningly. "Would you guys mind if I took a quick shower?"

"Dude, way to go ruining the moment. You med students are all the same, no respect for anything. Go ahead, I can entertain Summer for a while…" Ryan gave Luke an impish look and said "I'm sure you can!" before turning and heading to his bedroom.

When Ryan left Luke went to the kitchen and called Summer to help him make something to eat, adding that Ryan was the worst cook in the history of the world and that if it was left up to him, they would eat instant noodles and even then it would be a gamble. When they decided what they were going to make, Luke paused for a second before turning to Summer "I see what's going Summer, I saw the way you kept looking at Ryan. There are some things you must know about him. Ryan doesn't have girlfriends – he has dates. A lot of them. He is, for loss of a better word, a player. Marissa messed him up and even though his, as he likes to call, sabbatical helped him get over a lot of shit, he has never fully recovered from that. He doesn't allow anyone in. Some girls have tried to change him but the majority knows from the get go that Ryan isn't a long-term kind of guy and they accept that. I am however afraid that you might just be able to break down the wall Ryan has built around him. He has shared more with you during the last couple of days than he has ever shared with anyone else. If you do that however, some other defense mechanism of his will kick in and both of you will get hurt. I know it's not copasetic for a guy to admit this, but I love Ryan. I don't want to see him get hurt… Either of you. As a friend, I'm asking you not to do anything." Summer was stunned into silence and before she got her ability to speak back, Ryan came out of his room.

After Luke's discourse Summer was surprised that she now found Ryan even hotter and she blushed a little when she imagined her hands in his wet hair… Luke's eyebrows shot up when he saw her blush but she was saved from anything else when Ryan suggested t hey watch a movie after they ate. Luke finished his Mac-n-Cheese and put his plate in the basin. He went to the entertainment unit to select a movie. He started jumping up and down when a took a DVD from the cupboard. "You got it! You got it! When were you going to tell me you got it!" Summer stood up and took the DVD from Luke's hand. She burst out laughing when she read the title – Hoodwinked. "An animation film? You can't be serious?" Luke was panic-stricken when he realized what he had just done while Ryan just looked on amused. "Summer, you can't say anything! Seriously. If it came out that the star running back of the Portland Panthers was a secret animation-maniac, it would ruin my reputation." He looked genuinely alarmed. Summer could only laugh as she said "Don't worry Woody, your secrets safe with me! Go on, put it on…" Luke shrieked and Ryan mouthed "Woody?" to Summer.

When Luke put the DVD on he sat down in the lounge chair. Summer silently cursed him for leaving the coach for her and Ryan… As she sat down she was amazed at how tired she was. When she glanced at her watch she saw that it was passed 1 am. Ryan sat down, as Summer was afraid, next to her. She vowed she wouldn't fall asleep on top of Ryan yet when the movie was in the middle her head fell to Ryan's shoulder and she promptly fell asleep…


	14. The Sun Is Shining, It's Morning

_Ciao amici!_

_I wasn't sure when I'll be able to update again so I thought I'd give you something to tide you over! I'd love some more reviews. You can email me personally with your thoughts (email on my profile page) if you're not comfortable with everybody reading your thoughts. I like to have a feel for my "audience" so if you do review, add a little something about yourself, anything you feel is relevant. Even if you don't like my story and just want to drop me a line._

_In conclusion, if you want to know what the future holds for our young lovers, R & R!_

**Chapter 14**

If The Sun Is Shining, It's Morning.

The following morning Summer woke up with the smell of faint sweat and cologne in her nostrils and for a moment she was confused about where she was before the memories of the previous night came flooding back into her mind. When the full comprehension about were she fell asleep hit her she sat up and found that she was in a bed… A very comfortable bed… The smell all around her she could now place as Ryan's distinct scent. She fell back against the pillow, not willing to leave the safety of Ryan's bed even though she was troubled about how she got there.

As she lay in the bed, she thought about what Luke had said about Ryan being a 'player'. She found it hard to comprehend that Ryan could be so blasé about dating. She knew that what Marissa had done to Ryan was bad but she never realized that it would make Ryan distrust the entire female race. She thought about how Luke told her that if any one could break down Ryan's barriers, it would be her. That thought brought a new round of questions into her mind such as: 'Did she want to be the one who broke through?', 'Would Ryan really find another way to seclude himself?' and finally 'Even if she wanted to break through Ryan's stockades, would it all be worth while?'. In a moment of clarity and honesty she was willing to admit to herself that she never thought of Ryan as 'just a friend' – from the first day she saw him at the fashion show, she wanted more from him and she only settled for less because of Marissa. Her treacherous heart told her that she would always want more and that it was only a matter of time before the people around her recognized this.

As these thought kept running through her mind she heard the door open. She had forgotten about Ryan and her heart leapt to her throat when she realized that she had probably spent the night next to Ryan. She glance at herself and felt a little bit relieved when she noticed that she was still in her clothes from the previous night. She quietly crept out of bed, tried to straighten her hair out as much she as she could and went into the other room.

She was greeted by Ryan making himself a smoothie. "Hey there, Girly. Finally up I see?" To Summer it was unfair that he was so chirpy so early in the morning. She grunted before answering "You, Ryan Atwood, are WAY too happy for 7 in the morning… Where were you anyway?" Ryan downed his smoothie before replying "I went for a jog. Usually I just do about 4 miles a day but I had a bit of energy to work off so I went a bit further… How'd you sleep?" Summer could feel herself blush a little and decided to take the bull by the horns and ask Ryan about their speaking arrangements. "Yeah about that… I noticed that I slept in your bed so I was just, you know, wondering, where you, where you spent the night? That is to say, slept?" Summer was sure Ryan could sense her discomfort and her suspicions were confirmed when Ryan smirked at her from where he was perched next to the kitchen cabinet. "I'm hurt Sum, wasn't it memorable for you?" Ryan kept smirking at her and she blushed even more at his insinuations and even more when she realized she wished his insinuations were true. "Come on Ryan. I'm serious… What happened?" A look that Summer couldn't place settled on Ryan's face and he looked her straight in her eyes when he spoke "You fell asleep on my shoulder halfway during the movie. You looked so serene, so angelic, that I couldn't get it over my heart to wake you up so I picked you up and let you sleep in my bed… Don't worry though, I slept on the coach and I only snuck one peek. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Summer was both elated and despondent with what Ryan had said but she wouldn't admit that – she was still making peace with her feelings towards Ryan and admitting that she wanted to have him sleep next (and with) her, would only complicate things more… Ryan stood up and clapped his hands together and telling her she should help herself to anything for breakfast because he was going to take a shower before heading to class.

Summer was making herself an omelet when there was a knock at the door. She heard Ryan asking her to get it seeing as he just got out of the shower. She opened the door to a drop dead gorgeous blonde. Summer was a bit taken aback when the girl asked to speak with Ryan. "I'm sorry, he's just in the shower. Can I give him a message?" The girl eyed Summer with an antagonistic glare. "Okay… Just tell him Lacey stopped by." She paused before adding "Actually, you might also want to tell him his Friday night just got cancelled! Tell him I said he can take his new slut!" Before Summer could recover from Lacey's rant the door was slammed in her face. If she didn't believe Luke's revelation about Ryan she now had proof, without a doubt.

As she was still struggling to come to terms with the event that had just transpired Ryan appeared from his room. 'Hey, who was at the door?" All Summer could think about how good Ryan looked after a shower. "One of your conquests thought that I had stepped on her turf and has decided that you could find someone else to fill your Friday night slot!" The words were out of Summer's mouth before she could fully appreciate what she was saying and she couldn't control the anger that was surging through her body. To her surprise Ryan burst out laughing and said "I guess I'll have to find a new escort for the Chancellor's Ball!" Ryan's laughter was infectious and Summer found her anger ebbing away as she also burst out laughing. "Come on, Casanova. My food is getting cold!"

The next half hour was spent with Summer eating her breakfast and Ryan eating the omelet he coaxed Summer into making for him. Without any warning Ryan burst out "Come with me." Summer was confused about what he meant and Ryan continued "To the Ball I mean. As Captain of the football- and debate team I'm obligated to go and having someone there who I can talk to and have fun with would make the entire evening bearable." Summer was still considering whether she should go when Ryan pulled a trump card "Come on, you basically chased my date away. You owe me!"

Summer found herself agreeing to go. She knew it wasn't just because she was in part responsible for him not having a date anymore nor was it because it would be an honor to go to the Chancellor's Ball, it was also because she enjoyed Ryan's company and spending time with him would give her a chance to analyze her feeling for him a bit better. She refused to admit that it was because she was falling for him because, in her mind, it was impossible to fall for someone so fast…

_**ONE COULD DO WORSE THAN BE A SWINGER OF BIRCHES**_


	15. This Year's Love

**Hi,**

**Found some time to update. This is probably my favorite chapter thus far. I have a plan about where this story and most of the chapters are going but I never thought about a ball until this sort off wriggled itself into my story. It basically wrote itself and the end result I think is kind of cool. It's a bit fluffy and for the first time we can see that Ryan isn't unaffected by Summer, and that there is a lot of chemistry between them. Anyway, please REVIEW! Reviews are my heroin and I need my fix!**

**Till next time… TOTSIENS!**

**Chapter 15**

_This year's love_

Friday evening Summer was getting dressed when Allie burst through the door. "Eeeek! Summer, please tell me you have another gown! Some freshman football player just asked me to the ball and there is no way I'll be able to get a dress in time!" Summer was relieved that she would at least have an comrade in arms with her at the ball, it would make her feel a lot less out of place. "Luckily for you, us Newpsies never leave home without at least three gowns! You can have your pick: Blue Versace or lilac Donna Karan…" Allie did a little victory dance before tearing into Summer's closet.

Summer was wearing a scarlet-red, strapless Vera Wang dress. She did her hair up into a bun because she was going for the sophisticated look. She was nervous. She was no longer lying to herself and made peace with the fact that in a very short period she was falling for Ryan. She exhaled as she looked at her reflection in the mirror, she wanted to look for Ryan. She wanted him to be proud of her. She just hoped she didn't make a fool of herself. A University ball is a whole other ball game than a Newport cocktail party and she was afraid she would be exposed as an imposter who shouldn't rub shoulders with the intellectuals. When she shared her fears with Ryan, he just laughed and assured her that she would do fine, she was however not so sure.

She glanced at her watch and realized it was time to go down, Ryan offered to meet her at her dorm but she insisted she would meet him outside. She said goodbye to Allie and promised they could duck out together if the entire thing turned out to be a complete bore. As she made her way into the foyer of her dorm she saw Ryan was already waiting with his back to her. As he turned her heart dropped as she saw he looked even more devastatingly handsome in a tux no than he had almost four years ago. He turned and a smile crept to his lips. Summer tried to walk as best she could but the sight of Ryan made her weak at the knees. When she reached him he took her hand and kissed it – a overture that reminded Summer what a gentleman Ryan could be in he turned on the Charm. "Wow. Summer you look… Wow! You take my breath away! Every guy there is going to wish he was me!" Summer was elated by the reaction she received from Ryan and thought if that was all it took to take his breath away, she would dress up everyday! "You don't look so bad yourself. Come on, we don't want to be late…" Ryan offered his arm to Summer and she took it with glee.

Summer was stunned when they reached Ryan's car. It was a 1969 blood red Ford Mustang convertible. "Wow Ryan, now you're the one who takes my breathe away! Where the hell did you get this car?" "I worked at a ranch in Colorado during the summer of my freshman year and after that I bought Sally. She was quite beaten up and not really in a running condition but I couldn't let them junk her. Last summer I worked at a junk yard and fixed her during my time off. She's my pride and joy. I take it she carries away your approval?" Summer burst out laughing at how Ryan named his car. "You named your car Sally? She is pretty but really Ryan, Sally?" Ryan looked slightly offended at Summer's dislike in his choice of name. "Have you never heard the song Mustang Sally? Come on, get in the car…" Summer continued laughing long after they left the parking lot.

When they arrived at Wentworth Hall Summer almost didn't recognize the place with all the lavish cars, exquisite decorations and stunningly dressed, well known people. The apprehension Summer had shaken off earlier was returning and without thinking she grabbed hold of Ryan's hand. He seemed to take it in his stride and much to Summer's delight he held her hand firm in his grasp. He lead her inside towards their table and Summer couldn't miss the stares they were attracting. She wasn't sure if it was because Ryan held such a high place in the hierarchy of PU or if it was because they made a striking couple – she preferred to think it was the latter.

During the first part of the evening she was bored to death and had to stifle a giggle when Allie gave her a stare and tried to get her to make good on her promise of escape. When the speeches were done Ryan gave a deep sigh and got up, leaned into Summer and whispered into her ear "Can I get you something to drink?" The intimateness of his voice so close to her sent shivers down her spine and she could only manage a small nod. When Ryan returned Summer knew that she couldn't handle being in such a close proximity to Ryan for much longer, at least not until the memory of his lips so close to ear subsided and she grabbed his hand. "Come on Ryan, dance with me!" She knew dancing was a safe bet because a lively tune was playing and they wouldn't have to be so close. "Uh-uh, no way. I do not dance!" Ryan was trying to get out of dancing but Summer just urged him further until he could no longer say no.

They reached the dance floor and started to dance. Summer had to suppress the urge to laugh at Ryan's dancing, telling herself it was either that or she had to sit next to him, very close to him. Before they got into the swing of things a new song started and panic started to set in when Summer heard it was a much slower song and that they would have to dance slowly in each others arms – a much worse scenario that the one that had urged Summer to get Ryan to dance with her in the first place. Ryan and Summer were standing around ineptly when people started to stare at them. Ryan sighed and took Summer in his arms. Summer saw that Ryan was also nervous and prayed that it was because he to felt something for her and not just because he wasn't a very good dancer.

_This year's love had better last_

_Heaven knows it's high time_

_I've been waiting on my own too long_

_But when you hold like you do_

_It feels so right_

_I start to forget_

_How my heart gets torn_

_When that hurt gets thrown_

_Feeling like you can't go on_

Summer concentrated on the song instead of on Ryan because she was afraid she would do something incredibly stupid like try to kiss him if she didn't She listened to the lyrics and was struck by how true the words were to her in her current situation. If things weren't so awkward between her and Ryan she would have appreciated that a lot more.

_Turning circles time again_

_It cuts like a knife_

_If you love me got to know for sure_

_Because it takes something more this time_

_Than sweet sweet lies_

_Before I open up my arms and fall_

_Losing all control_

_Every dream inside my soul_

All Summer's sense were hyper aware of Ryan. His smell. His touch. His eyes in her eyes. It was becoming harder and harder for Summer to be in his arms and not being able to rake her hands through his hair, smell the faint scent of sweat mixed with his cologne or to taste his lips. She knew she had to use all strength to keep up her restraint.

_When you kiss me_

_On that midnight street_

_Sweep me off my feet_

_Singing "Ain't this life so sweet"_

_This years love had better last…_

Summer was appreciative of the fact that Ryan seemed just as agitated and edgy as she was. When the song ended Ryan lead her off the dance floor – luckily he also sensed that another charged song like that would drain Summer completely. Ryan quickly recovered his poise and was once again his charming self. They spent the rest of the night mingling with academics, board members and the elite students from PU. Summer was once again struck by Ryan's popularity and was stunned to see that he had a huge following from the staff as well. He introduced her to Professor Caldwell who was in charge of the PU Globe, the University's paper and because of Ryan's influence and recommendation she was granted an interview to be on the paper's staff.

As they were making their way through the crowd a familiar blonde head popped up in front of Ryan and Summer. "Ryan. I see you brought your newest conquest after all…" Summer was peeved by the way Lacey looked at Ryan. Ryan never wavered for even a second and he had a look that was both amused and cocky on his face when he spoke. "Lacey. Robert. How are you both on this fine evening? I don't think you've met my companion, Summer Roberts? Summer and I go way back. Summer, this is Lacey Chambers, who I believe you have already met and this fellow is Robert Delaney, Student Council Vice-President." Before either party could react Ryan spoke again "We would love to stay, but you know how it is, don't you Robert old pal? More important people to see…" At that he whisked Summer off away from them.

When they were out of earshot Ryan let out a deep breath, for the first time showing any sign of annoyance. "Ryan, who was that?" Summer asked and Ryan looked as if he was calculating his words before he spoke "That was the biggest prick at PU. I was voted Vice-President but after a lot of behind the scene manipulation I decided to step down and never took office, which gave Robert his opening. To this day he believes he beat me and that son-of-a-bitch will do anything to beat me. He probably thinks he beat me by bringing Lacey." Summer could sense that Ryan was more troubled than he would let on and even though she was jealous about his possessiveness about Lacey, decided to try and take his mind of things. "Come on, let's go get a drink!" Ryan took hold of hand, a gesture that made Summer's heart soar, and lead her to the bar.

When the ball was over, Ryan took Summer home. The ride was silent as both of them was occupied with their own thoughts. When they reached the dorm Ryan opened Summer's door for her and escorted her to the door of her dorm. He stood so close to her that for a moment she thought, and hoped, he would kiss her. Instead he just gave her a peck on her cheek. "Thanks for a lovely evening Summer, good night." At that Ryan turned and left, leaving a more confused and disappointed Summer behind.

_**ONE COULD DO WORSE THAN BE A SWINGER OF BIRCHES**_


	16. Tell Me Why

**I just want to answer a few questions I got via email:**

**i. My chapter titles I get from song titles**

**ii. I am thinking of doing a chapter from Ryan's POV but I don't know if it will fit the story (What are your thoughts?)**

**iii. It won't be a "They kiss and live happily ever after" story, I'm planning to go beyond that. I think I will bring back the Cohen's and Seth and see what life after "The Kiss etc" is like.**

**iv. The song in the previous chapter was This Year's Love from David Gray**

**v. Allie is just a filler character but I'm glad you like her!**

**I've been sick with a stomach bug. It's bad being sick and studying medicine – you get to be the class project so I've been in bed rather than going to class. With nothing else to do, I've been writing and this is one of my newly written chapters! I have deviated some what from my original story and chapter plan but sometimes an idea grabs me and I just run with it. **

**PLEASE tell me what you think. I am going to try and respond to every reply from here on out personally. To those who have reviewed, thanks a lot!**

**Adieu!**

_P.S. Stay tuned, the next chapter is going to be a doozy! I'm building up to a big climax…_

**Chapter 16**

_Tell me why_

The next morning Summer woke up feeling groggy and drained. She didn't fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning. She kept thinking about Ryan's actions when he dropped her off after the ball. She kept wondering why he didn't kiss her. The mood was right and one had to be blind not to sense the chemistry between them. She couldn't help but wonder whether Lacey played any part in the event. She prayed that she didn't because she was already acutely jealous of the lively blonde.

She could hear Allie moving around in the room but wasn't in the mood to make conversation with her roommate and kept her eyes closed – shutting out both Allie and the world. Allie was however not so easily fooled and quickly noted the change in Summer's breathing. Allie pulled the pillow off Summer's head and much to Summer's dismay she also ripped the duvet off Summer's body. "Helloooooooo Sleeping Beauty! Wake up! We need to have a post mortem of the ball last night! Come on, get up!" Summer was still mumbling "No" even though Allie kept poking her side. Finally Allie's annoying actions paid off and Summer grudgingly got up. "Fine! I'm up… What is so important that I have to wake up now?"

That was all the encouragement Allie needed and as Summer got out of bed to get herself a cup of coffee Allie launched into a monologue. "Last night Cliff, that's the guy I went to the ball with, and I were coming back from the ball and he suggested we grab a cup of coffee before he dropped me off so we went to Ruth's and we were talking and it was scary how well we gelled it was like he knew me without knowing me and now I think I like him even though I only went out with him so that I could go to the ball and I'm afraid that he might not like me like that and that he only asked me out again out of decency what the hell am I supposed to do now?" Summer was sure Allie had to be out of breath after that rant yet as she looked at Allie she looked ready to launch into another monologue so Summer spoke quickly to avoid having to listen to another one. "I'm not sure what the problem is because if he asked you out it had to have been because he saw something he liked and if he was disillusioned last night, trust me, there were enough girls there that he could have taken home. He likes you, trust me, he would not have asked you out again if he didn't…" It looked as if Allie was appeased by Summer's words. "Thanks. I know I'm probably a bit irrational it's just that I don't have a very good history with guys… How was your night by the way?"

What a loaded question, Summer thought to herself so she decided to go with a uncomplicated and hazy answer in the hopes that Allie would get the hint that she didn't want to talk about the subject. "Another night, another ball. Nothing spectacular." Allie wasn't quick on the uptake and said "Come on, you have got to give me more than that! I saw you and Ryan looking quite cozy on the dance floor… What happened?" Summer knew that she wouldn't be able to hide anything from her roommate for long and decided it would be good to get someone else's point of view on her feelings. "Last night was loaded with sexual tension and I had to suppress every urge not to jump him right then and there. I think he had to have felt it as well because after the dance he acted strange. When he dropped me off it seemed as if he was going to kiss me, o how I wanted him to, and the all of a sudden it's as if he just changed his mind, as if something spooked him. Add that to the fact that Luke warned me that Ryan would never let another girl in and that he has the most ridiculously beautiful girls after him, I have no chance. Did I mention I'm in love with him. He wants something uncomplicated and I can't give him that. He wants someone like Lacey Chambers, he doesn't me. " Summer had to grin when she saw Allie's shocked face.

"Wow. I knew something was up but, wow! Sum, I don't know what to say. All I know is I saw the look on his face when you danced and that wasn't the look of a man who doesn't want you, if anything he more than wants you. Just be careful though, he has somewhat of a reputation as a Don Juan - don't let him break your heart." Summer gave a sardonic laugh before answering "Don't look now cause it's already busted wide open…"

If Summer thought Ryan was affected by the events of the previous night she was mistaken. He showed up at her door at one o'clock that afternoon with a box full of doughnuts and a smile on his face. Summer decided that if he wanted to act like the 'almost-kiss' never happened, she would join him in his game.

The next three months seemed to fly by for Summer. She and Ryan seemed to grow closer with everyday that went by. A lot of nights she would go to his apartment to hang out or even to study. Some nights Luke joined them and some nights it was just the two of them. Some nights she spent the night – her in Ryan's bed and him on the couch. They talked about everything and Summer was confident that they were each other's best friends. She knew Ryan on a level that Luke never would and with Ryan she found herself revealing more of herself than she ever thought possible. One subject that was however never touched upon was the chemistry between them. Never was there a word spoken about a possible romantic relationship between them and Summer vowed that if it kept her close to Ryan, they would never speak about it.

Much to Summer's dismay Ryan and Lacey made up after the ball and he had been seeing her for two and a half months. Summer and Lacey could not stand each other. It wasn't just because Summer was extremely jealous of Lacey but also because Lacey was a pompous, insipid, vain and unkind person. They constantly clashed and Ryan had to do his best to keep them out of each other's way. Lacey couldn't stand that Ryan let Summer do things that he wouldn't allow her to do. It was only a matter of time before they came to blows over Ryan and Summer didn't look forward to that fateful day – they were both women who had to fight for the man they loved and that was a disaster waiting to happen.

One Wednesday night Ryan called Summer and asked her to come over. Summer left everything at the drop of a hat and made her way over to Ryan's. When she got there she was surprised that Ryan looked downtrodden. Even though she tried to sound upbeat her voice was laced with concern when she spoke "Hey buddy, what's up?" "Lacey and I broke up." Inside Summer was jubilant but she had to maintain her comforting-persona. "Sorry Ry. What happened? I thought everything was going well between you two?" They took a seat on Ryan's coach before he spoke again. "So did I. All of a sudden she began making demands. She wanted to be exclusive. I was already squeamish about that but then she made a ridiculous demand: she wanted me to give you up. I told her I would never give up my best friend and then she issued me with an ultimatum: you or her. It was a no brainer. I chose you."

Summer was jubilant. She wanted to dance on the rooftops and shout out "HE CHOSE ME!" but she remained the supportive friend and spent the rest of the evening doing tequila shots and trying to play Jenga with Ryan. Summer was care-free and relaxed and for that one night all was well in the world.


	17. Even Angels Fall

_**Ola!**_

**_As promised, it's a doozy! What I know about football is scary so if I made any mistakes in that regard, let me know and I'll fix it. I am doing a Ryan POV chapter so look out for that. I feel I've done the entire Ryan-sick thing so I'm not going to be making a big deal out of his injuries it was just something that had to happen for the Ryan/Summer thing to come to a head. Anyway, if you like it let me know. If you don't like it, let me know._**

**_The dénouement is rapidly approaching so stay tuned!_**

_**TOTSIENS!**_

**Chapter 17**

_Even Angels Fall_

During the next two weeks Summer was surprised to find that Ryan was in a strange funk after his break-up with Lacey. She acknowledged the fact that he must have felt something for Lacey otherwise he would not have reacted in that manner. She was split between feeling hurt and anguished because Ryan felt something for Lacey and being happy and elated because it proved that he felt something for her. She was willing to go to extreme lengths to get Ryan involved with her romantically but she wasn't willing to lose him as a friends. It was a classic catch-22 situation.

Summer and Allie had become very good friends during the last three months: not only because they lived together but also because they found they had a whole lot of stuff in common and in a sense they were kindred spirits. Summer found herself confiding in Allie all her doubts and questions about Ryan. Summer found herself unburdening her heart to Allie a lot more during Ryan's "funk"…

"I don't know Al, he's just been in this funk lately. Luke has even asked me about this. It's hard you know? I love him and seeing him torn up like this hurts like hell. I don't want to see him hurt. Let's not talk about these depressing matters anymore? How are things between you and Cliff? Are you going to the game on Friday?" That Friday evening was the annual grudge match between Portland University and Oregon State and Luke, Cliff and Ryan were all in the starting line-up. "Things between Cliff and me are going unbelievably good. He has arranged for me to be in the President's box during the game!" Summer had never seen her roommate look that happy. She knew that telling her that all the players received a ticket for the President's box would ruin her idyllic picture and decided she wouldn't burst her bubble. Plus she was glad she would have someone by her side.

Friday night rapidly made it's appearance and Summer was unprepared for the events of the night to come. She and Allie were sitting in the front row cheering and shouting and waving and clapping. All in support of their team and the men who held their hearts in their hands. There was 7 seconds left and the Panthers were trailing by 4 points and they had the ball. Summer could see Ryan talking to his men in the huddle and wondered what he would tell them as encouragement – she knew he would have a very motivating speech and wished she could experience the atmosphere. With the game on the line the crowd was expecting something big from their captain and quarterback and everyone was on the edge of their seats.

The players lined up and it seemed as if time moved ten times slower than usual from there on out. Ryan called the play and when the ball was snapped to him Luke was already out of the blocks heading to the end zone. Ryan side-stepped one defender and threw the pass of a lifetime just as a defender slammed into him, knocking him to the ground. The crowd held their breath as if they were one individual. Summer watched the ball fly through the air and when Luke caught it the stadium erupted. It was a momentous victory over the Oregon Eagles and celebrations were going to go well into the night. Luke and Ryan were heroes- they were in the forefront of the team, orchestrating the win. Ryan was the General in charge of his troops and Luke his second in command. It took Summer a few second's to realize that Ryan was still lying on the ground and that he wasn't moving after that monstrous tackle took him to ground.

As soon as Summer realized Ryan was down it seemed as if the rest of the stadium was coming around as well because a hush went over the players and spectators and the coaches rushed to Ryan's aid. Summer started to panic and could not stop images of Ryan lying in the ICU from flickering through her mind. She stood up with only one thing on her mind; Ryan, and rushed to the door in order to get out of the box. She shook off Allie's hand as Allie tried to restrain her and kept on pushing through the people to get to the exit. Finally Allie succeeded in stopping Summer and she must have seem the sheer fright and panic in Summer's eyes when Summer spoke: "I can't lose him Allie. I won't. I need to get to him." Allie only laid a comforting hand on Summer's shoulder and in a soft voice said "I know Sum, but the staff won't let you come near him in the dressing room so there is no sense in rushing down there. I'll call Luke and see where they are taking Ryan and we'll meet them there. Okay?" Summer could only manage a faint nod.

Summer watched as Allie phoned Luke and got the name of the hospital they were taking Ryan to and she moved as if on automatic pilot when Allie directed her to the car. The entire trip to the hospital she couldn't stop thinking about how much shed loved Ryan and how she couldn't lose him. When they finally arrived they were greeted by a very worried looking Luke and a pensive Coach Graham. They sat in silence before a doctor came out. "Don't worry folks. It's just a mild concussion and a broken leg. He'll probably be out for six to eight weeks but after that he's going to be fine. I'm going to keep him over night for observation but you can go in to see him." The entire group let out a sigh, making the amount of tension they were under very clear. Coach Graham was the first to speak. "If you guys don't mind, I just want to speak with Mr. Atwood alone for a second before all hell breaks lose around the kid." At that he disappeared into Ryan's room.

When the coach came out he seemed a whole lot less stressed than when he went in and he signaled for them to go in. Ryan was lying on a bed with his right leg in a cast. Even though he looked hazy, he seemed generally relaxed. "My man! I through the pass of my life to win the biggest came of the year and I pass out before I can realize it!" Ryan said to Luke and Summer saw Luke smile and hoped they wouldn't launch into a blow-by-blow of the entire match "Dude. It was amazing! Poetry in motion! I have never seen anyone move so gracefully on a football field! Of course, you weren't so bad yourself…" Luke quipped back. Ryan laughed out loud before turning his attention back to Summer. "Hey Sum. Next time we meet in the hospital, you're the one in a bed, okay?" Summer could only laugh at Ryan's lame joke.

The rest of the night Summer and Luke sat around Ryan's bed making jokes and rehashing the game. When visiting hours were over Summer was despondent to go and it seemed Ryan shared her sentiments, Summer knew however that Ryan would need his rest and reluctantly left the room after saying goodbye to Ryan. As they were walking out of the hospital, Luke turned to Summer and said: "You want to go get a cup of coffee? There's something I need to talk to you about." Summer could sense that what Luke wanted to talk about was important and agreed.

They went to the hospitals kiosk, ordered their coffee and sat down. Luke had a grave expression on his face when he spoke. "Okay, here's the thing. I was wrong." Summer wasn't sure what he was talking about and said as much before Luke continued. "I was wrong about you and Ryan. I know I said you shouldn't try anything because he won't let you in but I think he already has. I think Ryan is in love with you." If those words weren't as shocking as they were Summer would probably have laughed at Luke. "Come on Luke, Ryan is not in love with me!" Luke immediately fired back with "That is were you are wrong. Everyone can see it. The only two people who doesn't realize Ryan is in love with you, are you and Ryan. Do you know what was the first thing he said he woke up on the field?" Summer shook her head and Luke continued "He said your name. I don't know about you, but to me, that says something. I want to see my two best friends happy and I know you love him because it is written all over your face when you look at him and now I'm sure he loves you too. Summer, the ball is in your court now, do something about it." They finished the rest of their coffee in silence before Luke drove Summer home.

That night Summer couldn't sleep because thoughts of what Luke had said kept plaguing her mind and she kept wondering if what he said was true. She hoped and prayed that it was because there was nothing in the world that she wanted more than to be with Ryan. She knew she loved Ryan and hearing Luke say that Ryan loved her was like adding petrol to the flame of hope she had been kindling. She decided that she would take the bull by the horns and tell Ryan how she feels. Come hell or high water…

The next day Ryan was released from the hospital and Luke took him home. Summer was waiting for them at his apartment and helped Luke settle Ryan in. In all likeliness Luke could sense that Summer wanted to be alone with Ryan so he made a swift exit. Summer was very nervous and couldn't stop fidgeting. "Summer, stop fidgeting and come sit with me." Ryan said as he patted the bed next to him. Slowly Summer went and sat down. Ryan eyed her quizzically "Your making me nervous Sum. I can see you have something on your mind so just spit it out." This is my queue, Summer thought to herself and started to make the speech that would change her life.

"See the thing is, the past couple of months have probably been the best of my life. In Newport the friends that I had were shallow and pompous and arrogant and obnoxious. You are however the complete opposite of that. When I came here and reconnected with you and Luke it was as if I came home and in you I found a kindred spirit. In you I found someone who I could, and did share everything with. I guess what I am trying to say is, you are my best friends and I love you Ryan." Ryan didn't miss a beat before answering "You're my best friend and I love you too…" It dawned on Summer that Ryan didn't really understand what she was saying and that she would have to clarify it for him. "No, Ryan. You don't understand. I don't just love you, I am in love with you…."

_**ONE COULD DO WORSE THAN BE A SWINGER OF BIRCHES**_


	18. Don't Go Breaking My Heart

Howdy!

Well here it is: the punto culminante!

I'm sorry I left you hanging but in my opinion it was worth it. I added a little bit by Ryan and it was specially for thekiller00 and janer59. Thanks to you both for being such loyal reviewers! I'm a bit miffed because I have a lot of people who read my story but don't review. To those people I want to say: I know who you are! REVIEW or I will have to hunt you down and kill you!

Until next time buddies!

TOTSIENS

**Chapter 18**

_Don't go breaking my heart_

Ryan was stunned. What he heard Summer say far surpassed what he expected she was going to say. His entire life after Marissa was spent closing himself off from the rest of the world – protecting himself from getting hurt. He knew that any girl he dated for more than two weeks would want more of him than just something casual and that was something he was unable to give them. So he kept things casual. Girls knew what they were getting into from the get go because he made it clear that he wasn't a long term kind of guy. Even if he felt a tinge of some emotion he knew that in the long run either they would hurt him or inadvertently he would hurt them due to his lack of emotional availability and so he shunned any possibility of a relationship.

When Summer Roberts came back into his life he saw in her a kindred spirit – just as he had almost four years ago. She knew him for what he was and didn't shun him. She knew his scars because she carried much of the same. To him it was like a gift from the god's: he would finally have a true friend, aside from Luke, that didn't expect anything from him, that didn't want to be his friend because of his image and was willing to be his friend because of who he was.

From the moment he saw her sleeping in his bed he knew he was in serious trouble – he wanted her to be in his bed forever. He stood watching her for more than two hours and couldn't wrap his head around the fact that she looked as if she belonged there. He had only reconnected with her two days before and already he couldn't imagine his life without her. When he held her in his arms at the Chancellor's Ball he it cost him all his strength not to kiss her right then and there. It cost a lot of restraint when Robert Delaney eyed Summer with his snake like eyes and Ryan had to get out of there as soon as possible or he would become the guy from Chino who fought with everyone again. Summer brought out all his primitive urges. Even though nothing made sense and nothing prepared him for it, he fell in love with his best friend.

He dated Lacey Chambers for almost three months because she kept his mind, and heart, away from thought of Summer. Lacey agreed at the start of their tryst that it would stay casual so when she wanted to be exclusive and demanded he made a choice between her and Summer, Ryan almost laughed in her face about how easy it would be to chose Summer. He still recalls her words when she menacingly told him: "I always knew you would pick her but I needed to hear you say it. It's just too bad that you will end up hurting her just like all the other girls that got involved with you." He knew she spoke the truth and vowed that Summer was the one person he would never hurt so when Summer said she was in love with him, his heart screamed to say the three little words he was aching to say but his mind told him he couldn't because if he did, he would only end up hurting Summer.

"Did you hear what I just said?" Summer asked Ryan after he spent a while in silence. It's now or never, Ryan though. "I love you too Summer. But as a friend. I don't want to lose you because of this. Please tell me you understand?" inside Ryan was dying because he could see how much he was hurting Summer but he knew he would only hurt her more if he allowed this to continue – breaking her heart now was more benevolent than breaking her heart later. After he spoke Ryan could see Summer cringe away and his heart was breaking at the sight of her pain. "Please Sum, don't let this ruin our friendship." Ryan knew he was pleading but he didn't want to lose her because of his inability to be in a relationship. "Sure Ryan. Whatever. If you don't mind though, I still have a lot of work to do so I'm going to take off. Get well soon, okay? Bye." Summer never gave Ryan a chance to respond before she left his room. As she was leaving Ryan could feel tears form in his eyes for the first since his eight birthday party and his new bike was stolen. He cried himself to sleep and knew that nothing would ever be the same again…

As Summer was leaving Ryan's hospital room she could feel her heart breaking into a thousand pieces. She cursed herself for putting herself out there like that. She went out on a limb and exposed her vulnerable heart in front of Ryan and he crushed it. She though when he paused after she told him that she was in love with him that he would reciprocate her feelings but she was wrong. She cursed herself for believing Luke and she cursed Luke for getting her hopes up. She didn't know whether she should laugh or cry because she was very close to being hysteric. She started to cry because laughing would give people the illusion that she was happy and this was the furthest she was wrong happy than any other time in her life. She cried the entire time on the bus going to her dorm. She cried during the entire time it took to walk to her dorm room and she cried during the entire night. She cried until she could cry no more. The next morning Allie had to give Summer only one look to know that Ryan had rejected her. "Oh Sum. It's going to be okay. He's not worth all your tears. No one is." Allie held Summer as Summer sobbed. There were no tears however because Summer had no tears left to shed.

The next couple of weeks were the hardest Summer has ever experienced. She was a shell of her former self. She went to class and did her reading and did her papers and did her writing yet nothing seemed to be worth while anymore. She continued her life as if she was a on automatic pilot. Nothing had any pleasure left. Ryan called her everyday for the first two weeks and every time she ignored his call. She couldn't understand why wouldn't just leave her alone and let her wallow in her own time. She couldn't fathom why he didn't understand that if someone rejects you, you couldn't just go back to being friends. She wanted to be Ryan's friend but it was just too hard to even think about him. She didn't want to think about him kissing someone else, his hands on someone else's body or someone else even spending time with him. Thinking about him was hard – period. Luke tried to be supportive and had apologized a thousand times for his blunder but thinking about Luke reminded her about Ryan and thinking about Ryan hurt her, so she avoided Luke. She saw Ryan on campus sometimes and they fell into a routine of waving at each other, being acquaintances rather than friends. He looked at her once and she felt like a deer caught in the head lights when his eyes reflected a strange longing and sadness.

When Allie announced that she had set Summer up on a blind date she wasn't in the mood to go but her roommate had been a pillar of strength and she owed her that much. It was also a way she could finally get Allie of her back. She wasn't prepared for Robert Delaney showing up and announcing himself to be her date. A little devil inside her wished Ryan would see the out together and make him feel jealous for a change.

"My my Miss Roberts. I must say I was surprised when I heard via the grapevine that you and Atwood were no longer together. It has to be said however that he never could hang on to anything worthwhile. As soon as I heard I begged Allie to arrange a meeting between us. Ever since the Chancellor's Ball I have been smitten with you. Here I am, taking my chance. Shall we?" He offered his arm to her and she could feel a prickle down her side. She knew he was only taking her out to prove a point to Ryan and she almost burst out laughing at the irony – they were both trying to do the same thing! He took her to a popular coffee shop for coffee before they went ice-skating and Summer was surprised at how good a conversationalist he was. She had to hand it to him, he knew just how to manipulate someone into liking him. She however was not falling for his ministrations.

Summer felt a familiar prick at the back of her mind and when she looked up and her fears were confirmed – Ryan. She stared at him and he stared back at Summer and Robert. He threw daggers at Robert with his yes and eyed Summer with a jealous glare. Summer noted the smug smirk on Robert's face and inwardly cringed. She was however pleased with the look on Ryan's face and was overly fastidious towards Robert. "That's it Ryan. You don't want me so you will have to endure me with someone else and you will have no right to be jealous." Summer thought to herself…

Summer found herself enjoying the rest of the night in spite (or because) Ryan's reaction to her being with Robert. He dropped her off and even though she enjoyed the evening, she knew there would come nothing of it, Ryan still held her heart in his hand. When she got back to her dorm room she was surprised to find Ryan sleeping on her bed and more confused when Allie just sat at her desk reading. Allie turned when she heard Summer enter the room "Summer, seriously, if your suitors are going to be coming around at all times of the night, at least warn me so I won't be in my pajamas! Now, wake up the guy and hear him out. I want to see you put out of your misery and I don't want to sit through another minute of his ramblings." Summer's heart began hammering on her chest as she shook Ryan awake. "Huh? What? O, hey Summer…" Ryan looked embarrassed that Summer had caught him napping but he recovered fast. "Can we talk?" He looked at Allie and continued "Not here though, your roommate might kill me." Summer thought for a moment and she recognized that she would want nothing more than to talk with Ryan and she said "Sure Ryan, let's take a walk…"

They walked around for almost ten minutes before Ryan broke the silence "So you an Robert huh?" Summer felt her anger flare up and she was sure Ryan had to notice when she spoke "If you only want to talk to me because I went out with Robert, we can turn around now!" Ryan gave a nervous laugh "I'm not of to a good start, am I?" Summer merely nodded her head and said "Yeah. Why don't you say what you're really here to say. I'm tired so you really need to cut through the crap!" Summer could see the how anxious Ryan was and for a second she regretted her harsh words. But only for a second…

"Okay, but give me a fair chance to speak okay?" Summer glared at him and he persisted until she nodded. "Okay here's the thing. I was really screwed up after Marissa and for some reason I thought that I was protecting myself from getting hurt by not allowing anyone in. I also thought that I protected the girls I dated by not letting them and not allowing myself to get close enough to hurt them. I fell in love with you the exact moment I saw you standing in the cafeteria after almost four years away from you. When you told me you were in love with me, I thought I was doing both of us a favor by letting you go, but the funny thing is, the past couple of weeks were the worst I have ever had and seeing you with Robert tonight made me realize that seeing you with someone else was worse than anything Marissa had ever done to me. I realized that what I was protecting myself against was the exact thing I needed to heal me. I am asking you tonight to give me, give us a chance, but if you tell me right now, here, today, that you don't love me, I will walk away and you never have to see me again…" Summer was dumbfounded. Her heart beat in her throat and she was speechless. Euphoria and hysteria were battling for control over her mind and the thought "HE LOVES ME" kept coursing through her mind and she was pulled back into reality when Ryan spoke. "I know that you would probably want to punish me but if you don't answer me soon, I think that I might just faint and that is a very bad idea with a broken leg…" Summer laughed a care-free laugh and looked Ryan straight in the eye before speaking "I would've thought that after a declaration of love like that, you would at least try to kiss me…"

So Ryan did just that. He dropped his crutches and took her in his arms and gave Summer the most gentle, erotic, sensual, loving and tender kiss she had ever experienced. It was a kiss that made the world stop turning. It was the kiss of two people who loved and were loved in return…


	19. We're In This Together

Aloha!

So as it turns out my stomach bug from a few days ago isn't so much a stomach bug as it is a peptic ulcer. I now get to spend the next two days in a hospital bed and to miss dissecting Mr. Norris's lungs. Yes I called my cadaver Mr. Norris after Filch's cat. Luckily I have my collection of Grey's Anatomy to keep me company! (I have to be sneaky though because the nurses are threatening to confiscate my laptop!)

I have decided not to update again until my reviews hit at least 45. Ergo, if you want me to continue, you will review. I'll be hogged up on painkillers until then…

Adieu

**Chapter 19**

_We're in this together_

Some way, Summer couldn't recall the exact details, they found their way to Ryan's apartment and as they were kissing they made their way into Ryan's bedroom and onto his bed with their clothes flying everywhere. They spent the night in each others arms, making love and holding each other. As Ryan was sleeping Summer lay and stared in front of him her and was overcome with contentment and happiness. She thought of how perfect her life was at that time. She thought of how perfectly her and Ryan's bodies fit together. She thought of how Ryan held her – not too tight that she couldn't breathe but tight enough so that she was as close enough to him. He held her protectively against his chest and she could feel his heartbeat. She felt as if their hearts beat as one because her heart tuned in to his rhythm and copied it. She thought of how different sex with Ryan was. Sex with Seth was awkward and geeky and with Zach it was rushed and uncomfortable. Ryan put her needs in front of his own and took his time, delighting in the moment of their closeness. She could still see the love radiating from his eyes at their mutual point of release. Just before she fell asleep a quote Elizabeth Browning flashed through her mind _I love you not only for what you are, but what I am when I am with you_…

Summer woke up the next morning more relaxed than she had ever been. She stretched her body and reached for Ryan and was startled to find he wasn't there. The irrational side of Summer took over and she thought that Ryan had second thoughts about them and ditched her. She was sure that she wouldn't be able to cope if Ryan decided that he couldn't deal with what had happened that night. She grew more and more miserable by the second and was close to tears when the door to Ryan's bedroom opened. "Hey… You're up. I wanted to wake up with breakfast in bed. Well, my lame attempt at breakfast because I have a severe lack of culinary skills…" Summer almost started crying, not from misery but due to the remarkable amount of relief she felt. She looked at Ryan and was amazed at how embarrassed and shy he looked. Summer marveled at how she was able to go from miserable to playful in three seconds flat. "Why Mr. Atwood, if I didn't know any better I would say you were trying to seduce me!" She enjoyed seeing Ryan be uncomfortable and had to stifle a laugh when Ryan blushed. "It's just… I wanted to… This is…" Ryan groaned and Summer lifted an eyebrow before he continued. "I've never been good with this whole morning after deal before so if I mess this up, forgive me. I wanted to do something for you, to you know, thank you. In my entire messed up life, I have never experienced such a amazing, no extraordinary thing as waking up to you. To you this might just be breakfast, but to me, this is a footstep into the future…" Instead of eating the breakfast Ryan had so obviously painstakingly prepared Summer pulled Ryan to her and whispered in his ear "Here's a little tip on the morning after thing: Don't freak the girl you spent the night with and who bore her soul to you by not being there when she wakes up. The only thing I want from you, is to wake up in your arms because I love you and there is nothing you can do that could be wrong in my eyes…" Ryan's eyes lid up and he kissed her before answering "You think I could get a do-over on this morning then? I could redo everything from last night to recreate the scene…"

Later that morning Summer dressed in one of Ryan's boxer shorts and a t-shirt to get some food and when she came back Ryan's mouth was agape. "Seriously Babe, I know I look good in that ensemble but WHOAH! I am sure guys would drop dead at the sight of you in that. I don't think I could let you out of here." Ryan encircled her with his arms and she kissed him before saying "I don't think I want to be let out…" It wasn't long before Summer found herself out of her volatile outfit… Again. When she finally emerged from Ryan's apartment later that day she encountered a very smug looking Allie. "I hate to say this, no wait scratch that, I don't. You have the best roommate ever! If I hadn't found Ryan lurking around our dorm waiting for you to return and persuaded him to tell you how he feels, you would have been none the wiser! So, what happened last night?" Summer only grinned and Allie squealed. "I knew it! Was he good? He looks like he would be good. I bet he was good…"

The weeks leading up to Christmas break was the best of Summer's life and was sure that somewhere a band was filming it to use it for the music video of some preppy love song. If Ryan was the king of Portland University than by association she was the queen. Everywhere they went, people envied them. Guys wanted to be Ryan and do Summer and girls wanted to be Summer and do Ryan. Summer would walk down a hall and people who didn't know her would smile and wave. Some girls would look on enviously and others would give a downright jealous and hateful glare. She wasn't overwhelmed by the new attention she, or rather they, were receiving because she knew that whatever happened, they were in this together. She would take anything as long as she had Ryan by her side. Ryan assured her that he would never do anything to hurt her and because of his record in love she believed him. It was surreal. Surreal but nice.

Every moment that they weren't in class or in her case worked at the paper, or in his case working at the teaching hospital, they spent together. She found herself falling deeper and deeper for Ryan, he would leave her a flower on her pillow or a letter in her notebooks and he even gave her his favorite football jersey. She couldn't understand why Ryan thought himself unable to love because he was the most loving, caring and attentive person who was willing to do anything for her.

Because Summer had to go to Newport for Christmas break, they were going to spend Thanksgiving with Allie and her parents. They were at Ryan's apartment getting ready to leave when Summer couldn't find her shoes. "Seriously Ryan help me look! We have to leave in ten minutes and I can't find my white strappy sandals!" Ryan was agitated that Summer wasn't ready seeing as he had been ready for the past ten minutes and his attitude made his exasperation clear. "Are you sure you brought them!" Summer grew annoyed at Ryan because of his tone. "I didn't have to bring them because I left them here last week…" They continued their search but it didn't take long for Ryan to become upset. "Aaaaargh!" moaned Ryan before carrying on "This is silly! You should just move in with me that way all of your stuff would be in one place!" Both of them came to a standstill as the implications of Ryan's words sunk in. Summer was the first to speak. "Well, I am here most of the time and it would make things a whole lot easier…" Ryan and Summer's spirits rose as Ryan spoke "Am I understanding you correctly? I need to make sure you are saying what I think you are because I don't want to be ecstatic because of a misunderstanding. I asked you to move in with me and you agreed? Did you just agree because you felt pressured into saying yes or because you don't want to hurt my feelings. Don't get me wrong, I want you to move in, but if you don't want to, that's okay too. Look at me I'm rambling… Let me start again. Summer, there is nothing I wan more than to have you move in with me, what do you say?" It was one of the easiest answers Summer had to ever give Ryan. "Yes Ryan, I want to move in with you. Not here though, I will need a bigger closet and a kitchen where one could actually have a table and seriously Ryan a bathroom that doesn't…" Before Summer could continue Ryan closed the gap between them and shut her up with his mouth. They fell back onto the bed, thoughts of Thanksgiving out the window…

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and she saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.

Which road do I take? She asked.

Where do you want tog go? Was his response.

I don't know, Alice answered.

Then, said the cat, it doesn't matter…


	20. Glory Of Love

Good day,

Just so we are clear. I am still not happy with the rate of reviews but this chapter came to me in a moment of pure brilliance and I had to write it. It was a good thing I took a break from this fic because my ideas were sort of drying up but now I have a lot of new ideas that I can't wait to write. If anyone is familiar with the movie you will know how absolutely perfect this scene fits. I almost giggled as I was writing it because it is probably my favorite Ryan/Summer scene in any fanfic yet and the song just fit **absolutely** perfect into the atmosphere I wanted to create. Enough tooting of my own horn (I'll leave that up to you if you know what is good for you). This chapter is a lot longer than the rest because I couldn't stop once I started! I REALLY hope you enjoy it please let me know how you feel about it because I am quite giddy about hearing your thoughts on it!

Ciao

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Chapter 20

Glory of love

"So, you sure you're okay with this? I mean it's not as if I'm moving right now because we still have to find a place and all this is contingent on me surviving Christmas with my dad… You're okay with it, right?" Summer was worried that Allie might be mad at her for moving out of their dorm room. Even though Allie was gnashing her teeth at Summer for standing her up on thanksgiving, she was elated with the new direction Summer's relationship with Ryan was headed in, and it wasn't just because she would have the dorm room for herself. "If you ask me one more time if I'm okay with you moving out I might have to get physical with you… I forgave you for standing me up on thanksgiving so this won't be so hard. Plus, I get to have a single for the rest of the year…" She was trying to make a joke out of everything but in actual fact she was really going to miss Summer because she had actually grown attached to Summer and her quirks. "So, Sum. Have you told your dad about Ryan yet?" Summer groaned and buried her face in her pillow before answering. "No, I haven't. I will have to tell him over Christmas break though otherwise the whole moving thing is going to be a bit hard… I don't know how he'll react though because even though Ryan is a med-student he is still from Chino and that is going to be a bitter pill for him to swallow. He has all these expectations for me and I don't know if he'll except that Ryan is the only guy I want. No guy is ever good enough for me in his eyes, even though Zach was a senators son, he wasn't good enough for me." Allie could see that this was sore subject for Summer. "Wow, that's harsh. What's Ryan say?" Summer evaded Allie's eyes and Allie knew that there was a whole other part of the story that Summer wasn't telling her so she pressed on "Oh no Sum, please tell me that Ryan knows about your dad…" Summer was looking more and more nervous under Allie's accusing stare and when she spoke, the inner battle Summer had been raging became apparent "He sort of thinks my dad is okay with everything. I just wished he would come with me to Newport because if my dad could only get to know Ryan, he would love him just as much as I do. I am going to tell my dad and when I get back, the lie I told would no longer be a lie but the truth so in the end everything is going to be okay. Everything is going to work out…" Allie wasn't sure who Summer was trying to convince…

It was the day before Summer was leaving for Christmas and because Summer had an essay on coming-of-age films in the 80's she had taken Say Anything and Breakfast Club over to Ryan's apartment to do some "research". Even though she was nervous about telling her dad about Ryan, she had vowed that their last night together before Christmas was going to be spent in a pleasant atmosphere. She knocked on Ryan's door and was greeted by a jovial Ryan. "Summer, my love, how are you on this glorious evening?" Summer had to laugh at Ryan's tone and responded with "Well, Mr. Atwood, seeing as I am going to spend the evening with my favorite person in the world, who I happen to be in love with, I am marvelous this evening…" As Ryan ushered Summer inside he produced something from behind his back and said "Look what I have here, mistletoe! Time for you to pay the toll man…" Summer grasped what Ryan was trying to tell her and she grabbed Ryan by his collar and gave him the kiss of a lifetime. What a perfect way to start off the night! Summer thought to herself…

Later that evening, after Ryan made Summer "pay the toll man" quite a few times, Summer was laying in Ryan's arms on the couch watching Say Anything. "I don't get it." Said Ryan "If I stood outside of a girls window with a boom box blaring some soppy love song, over my head, I would be classed psychotic and not romantic. Why do you want us guys to make total and complete asses of ourselves? Why do you chicks think things like that are romantic? It's cheesy and corny all rolled into one!" Summer look at Ryan, astonished at his lack of insight on the female psyche. "It's the fact that Lloyd Dobler was willing to go out on a limb to prove his love. It's not so much the soppy love song, as the gesture. One would think that a med student would have a firmer grasp on psychology. What is more, as my boyfriend, I expect you to know what is romantic and I would hope that you are more than willing make an ass out of yourself…" Even though Summer was acting stern her demeanor was playful. Ryan looked at her admiringly and pulled her on top of him saying "Babe, I am more than willing to make an ass out of myself but I am sure I can be more useful to you in other ways…"

Early the next morning, the day before Christmas, Ryan was rubbing Summer's back as she was laying on his shoulder in bed. "I wish you didn't have to leave tomorrow. I wish we could stay like this forever…" Ryan kept rubbing as Summer contemplated his comment. "You could come with me." She ventured. "We could spend Christmas together…" Summer knew immediately she hit a sore point because Ryan's entire body seemed to tense up. "Babe, we've been over this, Newport and I just don't mix. There are just too many bad memories in Newport for me…" The stress of having to tell her father about Ryan and she knew she was picking a fight but she had to find an outlet for her emotions. "You mean Marissa is Newport? Do you still love her? Tell me now Ryan because seriously, I would hate to be in your way!" As Ryan got out of bed he was clearly becoming angry and his tone reflected his anger "Damn it Summer! How could you even think that! After all she has done how can you think I still love her! I don't feel anything for her, let alone love!" Summer was very close to tears but for some irrational reason she needed Ryan to react, she needed him to acknowledge that what she was risking with her father wasn't for no reason and so she kept pushing him further by saying "Then why won't you do this one thing I ask of you? If we are to have any future together, you will have to go to Newport sometime and you not willing to go this time, only gives me the notion that you are not in this for the long run!" Ryan stopped pacing, went to his cupboard and put on a wife beater and instead of replying on Summer's absurd acquisition only said "I'm going to go for a jog, maybe when I get back we can have a rational conversation about this because right now, I don't know why, but you are just trying to pick a fight…" Summer wasn't satisfied with the reaction she got out of Ryan and got out of bed and started packing her things whilst Ryan looked on questioningly. "No Ryan, I'll tell you what, I'm going to go to Newport and try to enjoy my Christmas without you because right now, I can't see myself enjoying it with you. Maybe when I get back we can reexamine our entire relationship." Summer didn't allow Ryan anytime to answer because as soon as she had finished her tirade she was out the door and she slammed it in Ryan's face. As soon as she reached her car she burst out crying. She knew she had only herself to blame for their first fight but she needed an outlet for her emotions and it transformed into a monster she could no longer control.

As she drove to Newport her mind was torn between how she was going to make things right between her and Ryan and how she was going to break the news of Ryan to her father…

Neil Roberts was happy to see his only daughter and Summer was just as glad to see her dad. The thought of Ryan kept Summer's mind busy while she was catching up with her father. She decided to wait until Christmas day was at least over before she touched upon the subject of her moving in with Ryan. The rest of the day was spent with father and daughter exchanging stories about their individual lives. Summer learned that Seth and Anna was engaged and that Marissa was still at home, trying to figure out what she wants to do with the rest of her life. Summer had an inkling that she was only looking for a rich Newport guy she could string along to pay for everything. Her dad also told her about a lot of mutual acquaintances and she was surprised, and delighted, to discover that she was no longer in anyway bothered by the goings-on of Newport. She considered Portland, and Ryan, as her home…

As she went to bed she was saddened by the fact that for the first time since she and Ryan had gotten together she had not spoken to him during the entire day. She knew she was the only one to blame for the breakdown between them but she had hoped he would at least call to see if she arrived safely. She fell asleep with the image of Ryan firmly in her mind.

Early Christmas morning she was awakened by the sound of music coming from outside her window. She was confused as to where it was coming from and groggily went to open her window. She was greeted by a sight that will forever be ingrained in her mind – Ryan was standing on her lawn with a portable CD-player held above his head. Summer stood rooted at her window and let the song's lyrics wash over her…

_Tonight it's very clear,_

_There's so many things I want to say._

_I will always love you,_

_I will never leave you alone._

_Sometimes I just forget,_

_Say things I might regret,_

_It breaks my heart to see you crying._

_I don't want to lose you,_

_I could never make it alone._

_I am a man who would fight for your honor._

_I'll be the hero you're dreaming of._

_We'll live forever, knowing together,_

_That we did it all for the glory of love._

_You keep me standing tall._

_You help me through it all._

_I'm always strong when your beside me._

_I have always needed you,_

_I could never make it alone._

_I am a man who would fight for your honor._

_I'll be the hero you've been dreaming of._

_We'll live forever, knowing together,_

_That we did it all for the glory of love._

_That's like a knight in shining armor,_

_From a long time ago._

_Just in time I will safe the day,_

_Take you to my castle far away._

As she stood there, all her fears and doubts went up in smoke. She was assured of Ryan's love for her because he was, as he said, willing to make an complete ass of himself, for her. She knew that she would be willing to take anything that came her way because he was by her side. Nothing her father could say would make a difference. Ryan was in her future…

Neil burst into his Summer's room and said "who the hell is that idiot make that infuriating noise?" Summer smiled and replied "That is the man I love…" Neil frowned before speaking again "You have a boyfriend? Why am I only hearing of this now? Who is he? What does he do? Does he come from a good family?" Summer was prepared for this battery of questions but she thought that she would have more time to think of the answers but with Ryan outside she appreciated that it was now or never and she took a deep breath before looking her dad straight in the eye and answering: "His name is Ryan Atwood. You might remember him from one or two Newport events he attended wile staying wit the Cohens. He came from Chino where he stole a car, got thrown into juvie where he met Sandy. Sandy and Kirsten adopted him and he dated Marissa before she screwed him up royally and he fell back into a habit of doing heroin. He almost od'd and decided to turn his life around. He went into rehab and after that he toured the world to find himself again. He went to life with Luke Ward and his dad where he finished high school as at the top of his class and getting a dual scholarship for football and debate. He is currently studying medicine at PU. He was my friend through a lot of bad stuff and at first we both fought what was between us, but we knew it was bigger than both of us and eventually gave in. He loves me more than anyone ever has. I am moving in with him when we get back to school and Daddy, if you still want me in your life, you will give him a decent chance because you don't want me to choose…"

Neil was shocked by his daughters statement. He realized though that she would only dare defy him if she felt really strong about this Atwood fellow. He grasped that if he made her choose between him, and all the luxuries he could supply her with, and this Atwood fellow she would most probably not pick him so he resigned himself to giving this fellow a fair chance because anyone that could elicit feelings of this magnitude from his daughter deserved at least that! "Well invite the boy in so that I can give him a once over…" Summer merely shrieked, gave her father a hug a sprinted to the door.

As Summer went to Ryan her heart was singing. She knew that her father wouldn't be able to dislike Ryan if he only gave him the chance and no he was doing just that. She thought that this Christmas might just be the best yet!

Ryan was waiting outside and he was looking a lot more nervous than when he played her that song. "Ryan! I thought you were against the entire big-romantic-gesture! If I recall correctly you said it was corny and cheesy all rolled into one!" He reached for Summer and brought her close to his chest "That was before I had to spend an entire day without hearing from you! I don't ever want to be apart from you again. If I have to move to Newport for you to see how much I love you, I will do just that. You are more important than anything else in my life so what ever I need to do to prove my love to you, just name it." Summer kissed him for a few seconds before withdrawing to catch her breath. "You don't have to do anything to prove your love. What you did today was more than enough. There is one teensy favor you can do me though… You how I told you my dad was okay with us dating, well that was sort of lie…" Summer knew she had to choose her words carefully. Ryan looked at her and said "He doesn't approve of us?" Summer cringed before responding "It's not so much as he doesn't approve as it is he doesn't know. Well, didn't know until you showed up here… He wants to talk to you." Ryan didn't look fazed and Summer hoped that this was a good sign. Ryan sighed and asked where her dad was and she pointed him in the right direction.

They were in her dad's office for almost an hour and Summer was sure she wore down the carpet outside it with all her pacing. She thought of all the things that could go wrong but promised Ryan in his absence that they were going to be together no matter what her father said. She had to stop herself outside the door because she almost went in quite a number of times. She grew more and more frantic by the second. When they finally emerged Summer was surprised when Ryan offered his hand to her dad. She was completely floored when instead of shaking Ryan's hand her dad pulled Ryan into a hug. Neil looked at his daughter and said "Well Sweetheart, I have to say, I couldn't have chosen a better guy for you if I tried. Now, let's all go have breakfast! We have something to celebrate!"


	21. Shadow Of The Past

**Chapter 21**

_**Shadow of the past**_

During their breakfast at a local café, Summer couldn't get over how well Ryan and her dad got on. They plainly got on like a house on fire and in her life Summer had not seen her dad act so pleasant to any guy she was dating. She burned with curiousity to know what was said behind the closed door of her father's study – she resigned herself to the fact that she was going to ask Ryan when they were alone.

"So Ryan, what are your plans after college? Have you thought about were you want to do your internship? Or are you considering specializing?" Summer squirmed in her seat. She knew that the peace between her father and Ryan was far too good to be true and that her father would find something to criticize Ryan about. Add that to the fact that even though they were going to live together, she and Ryan had not yet really discussed what was their plans after college. Summer knew they were in for a bumpy ride. She was further surprised that Ryan looked a whole lot more comfortable then she was feeling. "Well Mr. Roberts, at first I thought I would join Doctors Without Borders but," Ryan paused to take Summer's hand "but that is no longer really on the cards because that would take me away from Summer for too long. I was thinking about specializing in surgery and it all depends on were Summer gets a job on where I am going to apply to do my internship…" Summer was taken aback by the conversation going on in front of her. She was smart enough to grasp that one should grab the little victories that life handed to you and run with it… She was also smart enough to know that she and Ryan had to have a talk about their future because she wouldn't allow Ryan to lay his future on the line because of what she wanted to do.

When they arrived back home Summer dragged Ryan into the lounge, leaving her father to phone their relatives with festive greetings. Ryan pulled Summer onto his lap and spoke in between kisses "Merry. Christmas. This. Was. Probably. The. Best. Christmas. Ever." Summer grinned and seconded his statements. They continued making out until Summer's inquisitive nature got the better of her and she pushed Ryan, much to his chagrin, off her and straddled his lap. "So… Color me surprised when my father, who is ghastly over protective, emerged from his office and hugged my boyfriend after almost an hour. What went on in there? Should I be worried?" After having to push Ryan of her a second time he laughed before answering "Summer, babe, seriously. I am trying to kiss you, something that may lead to something more and you are worried about how I succeeded in winning over your dad?" Summer gave Ryan her best pout, signaling him that she was REALLY curious. "Okay, you got me. I paid him off…" Summer slapped Ryan for his mocking answer and said "Come on Ry, be serious. My dad is the hardest person to get on your side and to succeed in that tells me that either you traded sexual favors, which I know first hand you are amazing at or you charmed him with your… um… wit?" Ryan laughed again before growing grave and saying "Babe, you want to know what I told your father? I simply told him that I loved his daughter more than anything on this earth and no matter what he said I was going to be hanging around a long time. I told him that if you wanted me to give up everything that I hold near and dear I would do so in a heartbeat because nothing in this life could ever compare to having you in my arms. I told him that you are the reason to my life and that you are my inspiration. I told him that our love was meant to be – that it was the kind of love that moved continents. At first he was really apprehensive but the more he got to know me and see that I wasn't going to hurt his only daughter he came around. I think that he realized we have one thing in common and that was our love for you. Does that answer your question?" Instead of answering Ryan, Summer attacked Ryan's lips with a renewed fervor…

Later that day Neil found his daughter and Ryan lying in each other's arms and was almost hesitant to speak. "Hey Sweetie… I'm headed over to the Cohen's for diner." He could see the apprehension in Ryan and Summer's eyes and assured them by saying "Don't worry Summer, I'll apologies on your behalf and I won't say anything about you and Ryan or about Ryan being here. Enjoy the rest of the day and please, I don't want to be stunned stupid when I get back so whatever you are planning, keep it in your room okay?" Neil had to chuckle at the expression on both Ryan and Summer's faces as he left…

The next day Ryan had to leave because of his shifts at the hospital. Summer loved to tease Ryan about his job as a glorified porter but he kept on reminding her of the fact that it was a prerequisite of his degree. It was hard for Summer to let Ryan go because of the newfound depth in their relationship, so she did what she normally did when she was depressed – she went shopping!

She was going through a rack of Gucci dresses when she heard a familiar voice. "Summer, is that you? What are you doing here? I thought your dad said you had the flu?" Summer's heart sank as she realized that it was without a doubt Kirsten Cohen. "Kirsten, hi! Yeah, I had the flu, it was one of those one day flu bugs… Totally common occurrence in Portland. How is everyone? How was Christmas? Have you seen the new Dolce and Gabanna range? Totally amazing!" Summer appreciated how good she was still able to do a rendition of a stereotypical Newport airhead and Kirsten seemed to not know the difference. "Oh okay. I'm pleased that you're feeling better now though. I'm glad I ran in to you before you went back to Portland though. Do you have a minute for coffee?" Summer was intrigued by what Kirsten would want to talk to her about and agreed.

They were seated at Giovanni's, a quaint little coffee shop at Fashion Island, both with a steaming cup of coffee in front of them when Kirsten spoke "So you must be really confused about why I asked you for coffee…" She continued after Summer nodded her head "Firstly it was to give you your invitation to Seth's wedding and lastly it was to inquire about Ryan…" Summer was awestruck. Her heart started to beat faster and she could feel herself hyperventilating. "Ryan? What about Ryan? I don't know anything about Ryan. Why would you think that I would know anything about Ryan? Really Kirsten why would you think I would know anything Ryan?" Summer was babbling and she felt an anxiety attack coming on. Kirsten laughed and said "Whoa, slow down. I didn't say you knew anything about Ryan. It's just that we received Ryan's annual Chrismukkah card and the postage stamp was from Portland and I was hoping that maybe you could look him up for me. You don't have to but it would be nice if you did. Ever since he left all we've heard from him is a card at every Chrismukkah and I would just like to know how he is. What he's been up to. He was like a son to me and then he just disappeared. But now with you in Portland and him in Portland I finally have a chance to, I don't know, catch up?"

Summer saw the desperate look in Kirsten's eyes. The same look she had when she put her heart on the line with Ryan. She took a deep breath and took a decision that she knew she was probably going to regret later on. "Well Kirsten, see the thing is, Ryan and I are sort of friends." She saw the confusion in Kirsten's eyes and persisted "When we, that is to say I, went to PU I sort of ran into Ryan one day and we rekindled our friendship…" The look of confusion in Kirsten's eyes was replaced by a look of interest and she said "So you and Ryan are friends? What has he been doing? You're saying he is at college? Do you think he would let us see him?" At Kirsten's last question Summer knew she was getting more than she bargained for and said "Now you're the one who should slow down there!" Kirsten flushed "Sorry it's just been four years since I have had any real news from him and now you are sort of a fountain of information. Please tell me everything. Well maybe just surmise the past four years of his life for me?" Summer sighed and began "After he left here he spent the rest of the school year traveling before going to life with Luke in Portland. He earned a double scholarship in debate and football and he is currently a med student at Portland University. I think that is about the Cliff's Notes version of his life…" Kirsten was silent for a moment before smiling and speaking "Wow, he turned out real good. I'm happy for him. You have no idea how many nights I have spent lying awake and thinking about Ryan. He is such a wonderful person and It makes me extremely happy to know that he has finally realized how much potential he has. Do you think that maybe you could, I don't know, persuade Ryan to contact us?" Summer knew she was in dangerous territory and that Ryan would most probably never speak to her if he knew she was speaking with Kirsten about him and she wasn't prepared to put that on the line. "Well Kirsten, I don't know. He's pretty adamant about keeping away from all things Newport. He says it reminds him of all the things that were wrong in his life. " Kirsten regained the desperate look in her eyes and she was almost pleading when she said "Please Summer. Try. If he could perhaps just come to Seth's wedding it would mean the world to us. All of us. Please?" Summer felt her self resolve slacking as she said "Okay. I'll try. I can't promise anything though…"

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_First of all I have to say that I wasn't not updating as a way of making you guys update - after my stint in the hospital I was seriously swamped with stuff I had to catch up on so sorry for not sticking to my two day update schedule. Anyhoo, I'm back now so I'll try to get back on schedule. _

_I thought that I was the only one who had a passion for this story but after an "email" from one of my fans I was convinced otherwise. I have been noticing a dwindling in the hits to my story so if you guys could just let me know whether I still have to continue updating, it would be nice. I am more than happy to write this story for just myself. Ergo – if you like my story and want me to continue, review. It's the right thing to do._

_Yes, I have stooped to blackmail._

_I've also been toying with the idea for a new story so be one the look out for it. It's also going to be a Rymmer AU were Ryan is the heir to a billion dollar fortune but he doesn't want anyone to know._

_Ciao for now, let me know what you think!_


	22. Knowing Me, Knowing You

_Ola Boys and Girls!_

_This goes out especially to thekiller00. Not only is he the most loyal reviewer of this story but he was also the first reviewer to my new story **LIFE AND TIMES OF AN ILLEGITIMATE HEIR **(Please check it out if you get a chance!)_

_I know I said I was going to stick to a two day update schedule but Friday night my friends and I went out and got completely smashed because according to them I've become a studying-zombie. They don't realize that if you study medicine that is how life goes. Back to the point. Where was I? Oh yes, if I don't update within two days please know there is a legitimate reason for it. I might tandem the updates between my two stories so that would also influence my update regularity._

_To nadie85: I try and write as much as I can but because I only write just before I go to sleep and because I try and update every two days I struggle to write longer chapters. Sorry about that._

_Enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think._

_Ciao_

**Chapter 22**

**Knowing me, knowing you**

As Summer arrived in Portland she knew she was coming home. She considered wherever Ryan was, home. She was giddy with excitement to see Ryan again and was peeved that she would have to spend a few hours alone in his apartment without him because he was still busy at the hospital. Making the best of a bad situation she decided that she would start scanning the local newspapers in search of a new apartment. She also had to think of a way to introduce the subject of Seth's wedding without Ryan getting angry…

Summer was deeply entranced in her tasks when Ryan suddenly spoke up behind her, frightening the daylights out of her. "Wow, if I knew a simple newspaper could hold your attention for that long I would never lie a wake to chat you…" Summer was torn between annoyance at Ryan for scaring her and being ecstatic for him being home an hour earlier than usual. She knew however that her giddiness would overrule any and all other feeling she had. "Jeez Ry, way to scare the crap out of me! What are you doing home so early?" Ryan looked mock-hurt when he spoke. "I'm hurt Babe, here I thought you were dying to see me after having spent so long away. I think I'll leave again just so that you would miss me." He was heading towards the door and Summer jumped up and grabbed his arm, restricting him from moving away from her. "A was dying to see you! You just didn't have to scare the living daylights out of me. Now, are you going to greet your future roommate suitably or am I going to have to take back my promise of moving in with you?" Even though she was joking with Ryan, the look of desire that appeared in Ryan's eyes because of it sent a sizzle down Summer's spine. "You don't have to ask me twice…" Ryan said before taking Summer in his arms.

Later that evening after they had greeted each other properly, twice, they sat at Ryan's kitchen table looking for suitable apartments in the newspaper. Ryan was absentmindedly eating a bag of crisps when Summer said "Ryan, there's something I have to tell you…" Ryan kept on inattentively chewing; not really registering what Summer was saying "okay, fire away." was his equally distracted answer. Summer took Ryan's hand and made him look her in the eye before speaking again. "Ry, I'm serious. This is very important." Ryan looked startled for a second before the look was replaced by a look of extreme concern. "Summer, what is it? You're kind of scaring me here…" Summer was also starting to feel anxious but she had made a promise to Kirsten to at least talk to Ryan, and she also knew that deep down Ryan missed the Cohen's just as much as they missed him, even though he wouldn't admit it, so she soldiered on. "Don't be mad but the day after Christmas I ran into Kirsten at the mall and we started talking. She was asking me whether I had seen you around campus and whether I would mind looking you up for her ad before I knew what happened I kind of, sort of, told her that we were friends and what you've been up to the past couple of years." Summer took a pause to look at Ryan's face but his expression was unreadable, something she wasn't accustomed to. "She asked me all these questions about you and then she asked whether I could persuade you to go and see them, or let them come and see you. I didn't want to agree to anything so she said I should try and get you to come to Seth's wedding and I said that I would talk to you but the choice was still yours. The thing is Ryan, I know you better then I think you know yourself and I know that deep down you miss them just as much as they miss you. At least think about it Ryan, please?" Ryan looked at Summer incredulously and the look Summer couldn't place was still evident in his eyes. "No, Summer I won't think about it! You had no right talking to Kirsten about me. Even more so because I specifically asked you not to. I'm going to bed. Switch off the light's when you're done here…" Summer could feel an anxiety attack come on because she hated the way Ryan looked at her when he spoke those words and she couldn't allow him to go to bed angry. "Ryan I love you! I only did what I though was best for you. Please don't be angry." Summer pleaded as Ryan headed to the bedroom. He paused with his hand on the doorframe. His entire body slumped forward and a look of disappointed settled in his blue eyes as he looked at Summer and said "I'm not mad Summer. Disappointed, yes. But not mad. Good night…" Summer would rather Ryan be mad because the look of disappointment in his eyes hurt her more than any words ever could…

Later that evening Summer rolled over in bed and was surprised not to find Ryan's warm and inviting body next to hers. Before the panic could take complete control over her she shot up out of bed and looked straight into Ryan's back where he was sitting in a chair at the window. "Ryan?" Summer sleepily asked. Ryan turned towards Summer and she realized that he had not had much, if any, sleep that night. She also saw that he was deep in thought before she spoke his name. "Hey, I didn't mean to wake you, go back to sleep." His voice sounded fragile and vulnerable and Summer knew she would not be able to sleep if something was bothering Ryan so she was determined to help him get over whatever was on his mind. She reached over and switched on the bed lamp before moving to sit on Ryan's lap. "Ry, what's wrong?" Ryan looked as if he was debating whether he was going to share his thoughts with Summer before giving and stating "It's this thing with Kirsten…" Summer was about to apologize again when Ryan interrupted her "No, don't say anything, let me finish. Ever since you said you spoke to Kirsten I've been struggling with all these thoughts. I know I said I didn't want to speak with them or meet with them but I've been going over all the reasons I've previously had and not a single one makes sense anymore. I thought that speaking to them would take me back into the time when I was so completely messed up but now, for the first time I realized that I am a different person and that nothing could screw me up so bad again. Look how much I've grown. I have my sport. I have my studies. Most of all, I have you. I know I said I was disappointed in you but really I'm disappointed in myself because I should have been the one to reach out to the Cohen's. I think, no, I know, I'm ready to meet with the Cohen's. But not at Seth's wedding because that's his day and I don't want any of the attention focused on me. I'm sorry for what I've said earlier, I shouldn't have taken my annoyance out on you, you don't deserve that. Do you think you can call Kirsten and ask her if it's ok if I come to diner sometime next week?" Summer looked at Ryan and she once again saw the man he had become. She saw all the changes he went through and she saw how much he had grown and, if possible, fell even more in love with him at right that second. She stood up and took his hand and lead him to the bed. "Sure Ry, I can do that. Right now though, you need to get some sleep…" Summer drifted of into sleep, aglow with the bliss she felt just by being in Ryan's arms.

The next morning when Ryan was at class she reached for the phone with a song in her heart. She dialed Kirsten's number and waited patiently for her to answer, when she did so Summer was surprised by the amount of elation she felt. "Good morning, Kirsten speaking, how may I help you?"

"Hey Kirsten, it's Summer. I just called to say that I spoke with Ryan and he said he doesn't think coming to Seth's wedding is such a good idea…" Summer didn't intentionally set out to tease with Kirsten, only realizing how what she said must have sounded after she finished her sentence. She could hear the disappointment in Kirsten's voice when she spoke. "Oh, ok. That's fine. I was just hoping… Never mind. Thanks for trying though." Kirsten's voice trailed of at the end. "I don't think I handled that right. What I meant to say was that Ryan doesn't want to go to Seth's wedding because he doesn't want you guys' attention to be on him instead of Seth. He asked me to find out if you would have him over for diner, sometime next week…" The disappointment in Kirsten's voice was replaced with glee and anticipation. "Really? Sandy and Seth are going to be so excited! Oh, wow, I have so much to organize. I have to get a caterer and I need to check if Greta can bake Ryan's favorite cake and… I'm sorry Summer I'm rambling. It's just that I'm super psyched, as Seth would say. Do you Tuesday would be okay with Ryan? You should come to seeing as you made all this possible."

"Tuesday would be fine. I don't think I should come though. I think this is something between you guys and Ryan. I would only be a fifth wheel."

"If you say so, Summer, that's fine with me. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough for doing this. Goodbye Summer"  
"Bye Kirsten."

As Summer hung up the phone she was overcome with joy. Her life was perfect – she was studying something she had a real passion for, she had the world's greatest boyfriend whom she loved more than anything and who loved her equally as much and she had her father who loved her, and Ryan, very much. Soon Ryan's life would be complete as well.

Summer was finishing an article for the paper when Ryan burst into his apartment with a look of sheer delight on his face and his tone of voice reflected the same emotion. "Guess what! Ok don't guess because I'm just so freaking ecstatic right now that I don't think I can stop blathering. I found us the perfect apartment! It's two blocks off from campus so commuting would be absolutely no problem. It has two bedrooms so one can be a combined study for me and an extra wardrobe for you. It has one bathroom with a shower and, as per your request, a bath. It has one giant living area, not unlike my own, just bigger and it has an added veranda. How cool is that? Plus, the best part is we can move in immediately! It hasn't even been on the market for an hour when I snapped it up! How proud are you of your boyfriend for finding you the best apartment ever!" Summer was a little shell-shocked by Ryan's rant and had to take a minute to digest everything he had just said. "Whoa, slow down there Sparky! You found us an apartment?" Ryan's fervor died down a little but he was still a lot more capricious than normal when he spoke again "Yeah I found us an apartment! Do you remember Larry Donaldson? He was that marketing guy we met at the hospital shindig? Well, it turns out he's getting married and he and his lovely bride to be are moving to Connecticut, like tomorrow. We were talking at the hospital and when he said he was thinking letting his place I jumped to convince him to let it to me. Isn't that fantastic!" Summer had to hand it to Ryan, he sure knew how to find a needle in a haystack…

Summer and Ryan were on their way to look at their new apartment and neither could hide their eagerness. When they opened the door to their new home what they saw was not what they expected. The paint on the walls were chipping off, the carpets no longer resembled any shade of its original color and the kitchen cupboards had no a single door. Ryan was the first to react and his voice was tinged with disappointment and lethargy "Well, a little pain here and there, we could make it work. It's not as bad as it seems. It could be worse…" Summer turned to Ryan and said "Not that bad? Could be worse? Ryan, are we talking about the same place here? Just look at it!" as she spoke she indicated with her hands around the apartment. Ryan was unsure about what to say because, after all, it was his choice that landed them there… Summer continued "It's perfect!" Where Ryan saw a rundown, damaged, neglected apartment, Summer saw an empty canvass that needed her input to become a masterpiece. Because she had never had her own apartment, she was going to enjoy creating a living space, personalized in her own to taste, for her and Ryan. Ryan was taken aback by Summer's reaction and it was clear by the look on his face. "Don't look at me like that. Yeah I'm grossed out by how it looks now but no matter what it looked like I was going to change it. I love the shell of this place. When I'm done with it, it is going to be gorgeous! I'm thinking of a lilac, or maybe lavender, for the bedroom and then we can do a terracotta or darkish greenish for the study cum wardrobe…" Summer trailed off as her thoughts were focused on the design of her new home. Ryan was just relieved he was rescued from his faux pas…

Tuesday came much sooner than either Ryan or Summer expected. From the day they first saw their apartment, a mere six days earlier, a lot has changed. Growing up in Newport Summer learned that with enough money one could buy anything and Neil was willing to pay for the entire remodeling of Summer and Ryan's apartment – he was just too glad to still be involved in his daughter's life and he wouldn't deny her anything if she asked. The entire apartment had been repainted and new carpets had been lain, all that was left was the installation of a new kitchen. Summer wanted marble and was willing to wait an extra two days for it.

Summer and Ryan were lying on their backs staring up at the ceiling both occupied with their own thoughts. Summer thought about her new home and Ryan thought about the impending diner at the Cohen's. Ryan was leaving soon but he wanted to spend as much time with Summer as possible before he had to do so seeing as he would spend the night at a hotel near Newport, Neil had suggested Ryan stay with him but Ryan didn't want to be an inconvenience. "Are you going to be okay?" Summer broke Ryan's trail of thought when she spoke. "Yeah. I think so. Truth be told, I'm a bit nervous…" Summer took Ryan's hand and kissed him before speaking again "Ry, you have nothing to be nervous about. The Cohen's loved you and they will keep on loving you no matter what. They will be so proud of the man you've become." It was Ryan's turn to kiss Summer, this was his way of thanking her for giving him courage to face the looming diner. Before things got out of hand Ryan stood up and hugged Summer to his chest. "I'm going to go before I lose my nerve. I'll let you know when I get there. I love you…"


	23. There's No Place Like Home

_Howdy!_

_I'm sorry this chapter is so short but I wasn't planning on updating at all but the skin diseases I was studying freaked me out a bit and I wrote this. I hope you like it! If you do (or not) let me know via this nifty little review service FF offers…_

_Ciao_

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**Chapter 23**

**There's no place like home**

It was with much trepidation and foreboding that Ryan rang the bell to the Cohen's house later that evening. He was no longer sure whether he had made the right choice by coming here. He had reasoned that coming here would give him closure but he couldn't get past all the memories that kept flooding his brain. He was torn away from his thoughts by the door opening. Inside stood all the Cohens. All three of them stood in a line waiting to greet Ryan. Ryan was taken aback; he didn't expect that they would be this eager to see him again. Sandy even wore a tie, even though he didn't have to!

Kirsten was the first one in line to welcome Ryan. "Hi Kirsten…" started Ryan but Kirsten got tears in her eyes and pulled Ryan into a tight hug. "Don't you ever dare leave us again! Do you hear me! Ever!" Sandy was next up and he had a hard time suppressing his tears. He just shook Ryan's hand and gave him a manly pat on the back "Ryan. Good to see you. Good to see you." The moment he had been dreading the most came when it was Seth's turn. Seth stood watching Ryan a moment, as if he was sizing him up. Ryan was the one to break the deadlock when he spoke, "Seth. How are you?" Seth was still silent and Ryan was growing more and more nervous as each second went by. Eventually Seth broke his silence and vigorously shook Ryan's hand and saying, "Dude you've buffed up! Is it steroids? You could tell me if it was steroids. Doesn't it deter the ladies? Does it affect your, you know, performance in any way?" Ryan had to laugh aloud because in all the time he was away, Seth had not changed one iota!

Diner was spent with everyone exchanging mostly pleasantries, never touching upon what was really on their minds. Sandy put down his fork with an unwavering look in his eyes. "So… Ryan. I'll ask the question that's plaguing all of our minds. Where the hell have you been all this time?" Ryan had to chuckle at Sandy's tone. "Well after I left here I travelled to South Africa……………………………….."

The Cohens listened, enraptured, to Ryan's story. They couldn't belief at how much Ryan had overcome and how much he had changed. He had changed from a scary, dark and damaged boy into a confident, bright and happy man. They couldn't belief that Ryan was now the leader of the pack as opposed to the outsider he was while he was in Newport. As Ryan spoke, he let his eyes roam over Sandy, Kirsten and Seth. Sandy and Kirsten looked the same, although it looked as if they had aged ten years instead of four, something didn't want to think about because he had a sneaking suspicion he had something to with it. Seth on the other hand looked as if he had finally grown into his own body – even though he was by no means burly, he was no longer the scrawny boy Ryan had known. Anna apparently had a very good influence on him. When Ryan finished his account, every one was finished eating as well. Seth stood up and stretched his limbs, "Well family, I'm going to love you and leave you. Oh yeah, I'm taking Ryan with me because it's been years, literally, since we've had some quality Seth-Ryan time. I bid you farewell! Come on Ryan; allow me to show off my fantastic Ninja skills…"

Ryan and Seth played play-station well into the night after Seth had persuaded Ryan that it was unnecessary to go to a hotel. Ryan scalded himself for staying away for so long. The Cohens was his family and after the diner they spent together, he once again realised that nothing would ever change that. He promised himself, and Sandy, Seth and Kirsten, that he would never again desert them. He wanted nothing more than to call Summer and share his revelation with her but he didn't know how Seth would react to Summer and his relationship. Speak of the devil, Ryan thought as his cell phone began to ring and he saw Summer's name on the caller display.

"Hey Babe. What's up?" Ryan answered not unaware of Seth's questioning glare.

"Hey, I thought you were going to call me when you get to the hotel?"

"Yeah I was going to but Seth and I got held up… Playing Ninja."

"So I take it things went well? It had to have gone well if you guys are up to your old tricks again…"

"You could say that. Have you finished painting, or should I say, finished supervising the painters in our room?"

"Yes! It looks fantastic! I can't wait for you to get back so that we can start moving in and christen all the rooms."

Ryan blushed a little before answering, "I can't wait either, I'm leaving early in the morning and then I'll meet you at my place. Night Babe! Love you"

"Bye Ry."

Seth looked at Ryan with raised eyebrows and said, "I take it that was Missus Atwood on the line. Either that or you are one hell of a ladies man!"

"Yeah that was her."

"So man, we're bonding here! Spill, I want details. I did not mean to sound like a Cosmo girl. Crap saying Cosmo girl just reiterates how freakishly girly I am. It's Anna. I'm telling you Ryan, that woman is demachoing me. Where was? Oh, yes. Missus Atwood. Details. Give."

Ryan didn't know how much he should share with Seth because he was unsure of how Seth would take the fact that he was seeing Summer. In the end, he decided he would tell Seth everything but keep Summer's identity hidden. "Well we've been seeing each other for quite a while now and, as you've probably established from our phone call we're moving in together. She's fantastic. I find myself doing things with her that I've never done before. Hell, I even did the corny Lloyd-Dobler-boombox-over-head thing! I don't know, it's just that for the first time I'm comfortable in my own skin and she seems happy to be in there with me. Okay that sounded a little perverted but you get the just of it…"

Seth sat and nodded enthusiastically, "Right, right! So Ryan is in love, you don't where a glove. I finally have my best friend back; I don't have to be so slack. Wanna give me a shove. Okay granted my limerick could use work but I think it conveys the right message. I'm so happy you've worked through all of your issues and hearing you speak of this girl makes me think that maybe you really really love her and that she really really loves you and that makes me really really ecstatic for you! Enough about you, let's talk about me…" Ryan had to laugh at how self-obsessed Seth still was. "Anna and are getting married, as you might know and I have to tell you Ryan, in the words of Jerry Macquire, she completes me. Having said that, I can't help but feel that maybe, possibly, I don't know, we're settling for second best. Does she really love me? Do I really love her? Is this the right choice? Am I in way over my head? How do you know that she, in my case Anna, is the one?"

Ryan interrupted Seth as he spoke, "Seth, speaking from experience, you just know. If you feel prickly when you haven't spoken to her yet that day. If you can't go to sleep because your pillow doesn't smell like her. If you don't wear your favourite t-shirt because she usually sleeps in it. All things indicate that she's THE ONE. Tell me, can you seriously say that you can't think of one reason that tells you she is the one?"

Seth's face lit up. He knew speaking to Ryan was the best thing to do! "See I knew Seth-Ryan time was good plan! You just totally dissipated my fears! Therefore, I have a favour to ask. I have this super important job for you. This guy I knows from college was supposed to do it but he isn't really that close to me. Will you be my best man? I know you've only been back in our lives for a couple of hours but it is really something that I think only you can do. Please Ryan, say yes?"

Ryan was dumbstruck. He never thought he would be someone's best man, let alone Seth Cohen's. He thought back over the years, the only time he felt complete was when he was living with the Cohens. Even when is with Summer, it feels as if something is missing. He saw the olive branch Seth handed him and he was planning on grabbing hold of it with both hands. "Yeah Seth. Sure. I'll be your best man."

"Fan-freaking-tastic! You can bring the Missus and I can meet my future sister-in-law!"

"Yeah about that……….."


	24. Best Laid Plans Of Mice And Men

**Chapter 24**

**The best laid plans of mice and men**

As Ryan was driving was driving back to Portland, the normally extended and monotonous drive seemed to speed by. It was with a song in his heart that he let the miles speed past. He had Summer, a new apartment and his studies to go to and he now had a family to boot. That morning reminded him about what he had missed. Sandy, Kirsten and Seth had only allowed him to leave after he promised that he would come to Seth's wedding, bring along his girlfriend, and that he would go and visit them often. It was with a light heart that he was able to concede to their offer, even though he wasn't sure how he was going to handle the Summer-Seth's-wedding-situation, he was never going to lose touch with his family ever again. His family, he thought, it had a nice ring to it!

Summer was pacing her new living room. She was troubled at the fact that Ryan was supposed to be home an hour ago and yet he still had not arrived. Their was a tentative knock at the door, Summer hastened to the door and almost ripped the door from its hinges as she tore it open. On the other side of the door stood an amorous looking Ryan, holding a bunch of flowers. All Summer's doubts and fears flew out the window as she saw Ryan standing there. She leant against the doorframe with her shoulder as Ryan spoke, "Good morning, my love! How are you on this splendid day! I trust you had a pleasant evening? I brought you some flowers and I made a reservation at Jacques' for tonight, because you, Babe, are the best thing that has ever happened to me!" Ryan picked her up and kissed her as he twirled her around, only putting her down when they both had to take a break to breathe. "Wow. Now Ryan, as much as I enjoy being kissed until I cannot remember my name, I can't seem to help but wonder what brought this on. I take it went well at the Cohen's?" Summer said as she led Ryan to their new couch. "Yeah, you could say that. I had a great chat with Seth and I couldn't really remember why I had stayed away for so long. They were great. Everything," Ryan said and kissed Summer on her nose, "is great. Now, why don't we see about christening our new couch…?"

Later as they lay with their legs entwined, Ryan decided to broach the subject of Seth's wedding. He had made a promise to Seth to at least try and get his 'Missus' to come and come hell or high water he was going to follow through. "So… Seth asked me to be his best man…"

"Are you serious? Ryan, that's fantastic!" Summer said and molested Ryan's lips with renewed vigour.

Ryan indulged Summer for a few seconds before gently pushing her aside. "He also heard when I spoke to you and he sort of made me promise to bring my better half along. He doesn't know who exactly you are though. Please understand that I want you there with me – there is actually nothing that I would love more. Having said that, I don't know if it is such a good idea. We don't know how they are going to react and I don't want to make a scene at Seth's wedding. The choice is yours however, if you want to go, then we will face everything together."

Summer silently regarded Ryan for a few seconds and she could see the conflicting emotions flashing in Ryan's eyes. She believed that he truly loved her and that he would do what she wanted but she saw how much his newfound friendship with Seth mattered to him and she realized that she didn't want to do anything that could upset that. She reached for Ryan's head, held his face between her two hands and kissed him deeply before saying, "Ryan, it clearly means a lot to you so I won't make you take me. I'm not THAT girl." Summer grinned slyly and added, "Plus, I got my own invitation so I can go and keep an eye on you! I don't want you running off with the bridesmaid!"

"Don't worry, I love you too much to let a silly old bridesmaid, no matter how hot she is, come between us! I seem to be dirty from my trip, let's see about trying out the new shower, shall we?" Ryan said and pulled Summer in the direction of their bathroom. Summer could only smile in reply.

It was Seth's wedding day and Seth was nervously awaiting the arrival of his bride at the church. Ryan looked around and couldn't help but wonder what his own wedding to Summer would be like because to him it wasn't a matter of they are going to get married but rather when they are going to get married. Spending the day with the Cohen's made him realise that id life hands you something that feels so right that you shouldn't let it go, you should rather grab hold of it with both hands and never give it, or rather her, the chance to escape. As Anna was coming down the aisle Ryan found it funny that instead of staring at the bride, he was staring at Summer. Summer was looking at Anna with a look of longing and Ryan knew he and Summer shared the same thoughts regarding their very own wedding. The thought filled hi with pleasure and made his heart swell. As the Father McBride went through the wedding ritual, Ryan and Summer looked in each other's eyes and to them it was as if they were making the promises instead of Seth and Anna. He knew he was coming very dangerously close to revealing who his 'better half' was but he couldn't, and wouldn't care. He and Summer was sharing a special, emotionally charged moment and that was all that mattered. Little did they know that Sandy and Kirsten had noticed their pointed stares and were looking at the two questioningly.

At the Ryan was surprised to find a beaming Luke, with Allie as his escort, at the wedding. Ryan found it amusing that the self-proclaimed bachelor, Luke, was hanging around Allie more and more. Judging by the look on Allie's face she wasn't exempt the exact same feelings that was reflected on Luke's face. Ryan was comforted that he would at least know someone, someone to help him keep his eyes, and hands off Summer. He saw Luke and Allie approach and nodded to the elderly couple he was chatting to, making his departure clear. "What the hell Luke? Why didn't you tell me you were coming? You knew I how badly I was freaking out and knowing you were coming would've made it a whole lot easier!" Ryan said after he gave Luke a manly hug and a slap on the back. "And miss out on your rants and raves never!" Luke said and added as an afterthought "Besides, I didn't know I was coming until Allie persuaded me that meeting my mom on neutral ground is a much better idea that an intimate diner…" Allie's gaze fell on Summer and she quickly excused herself. "Wow, meeting the parents. That is a big step! How the mighty have fallen." Ryan said and nudged Luke with his shoulder. Luke blushed and said, "Yeah, well what can I say? Seeing you and Summer together made me realize what I was missing and I don't know, Allie and I just click. For the first time in a long time, I find myself thinking that a relationship might not be such a bad idea. Before we get all emotional and girly, okay more emotional and girly, let's go get a drink and at all butch!" Ryan chuckled as he and Luke headed for the bar.

"I don't know how you do it man," Luke said as he sipped his vodka and orange juice, "I mean Allie and I haven't dated for half as long as you and Summer have and already I can't take being apart from her for so long. How you can be at the same as wedding as her and only exchange a few pleasantries, I just really don't know how you do it! I would've been driven out the walls already…" Ryan thought about what Luke was saying and replied by saying, "You have no idea how hard all of this is. I watch her, she watches me, and all I want to do is drag her into an empty closet and have my way with her. It's just that I don't know how Seth will take me dating his old girlfriend and this is his day so I don't want to ruin it for him. I'll tell you this though, when we get home, I am so going to ravish her! Here comes Seth, ixnae-on-saying-anything-about-me-and-Summer-nae…"

As Ryan, Luke and Seth chatted, he saw Zach approach Summer and coax her away from Allie. He watched as they seemed to share a disagreement and he could feel his blood starting to boil. He knew however that if he was to intervene, his whole cover would be blown and so he absentmindedly kept on nodding his agreement to whatever Luke and Seth was saying. He could nonetheless stay flaccid when Zach grabbed Summer's arm and pulled her out of the marquee-tent. He excused himself from the conversation and headed into the direction he saw Zach take Summer. He was unaware of the confused glance Seth and Luke shared before both of them silently followed him.

As Ryan neared Summer and Zach he could see Zach was hurting Summer. "Listen to me Summer, I don't care who the fuck you are sleeping with, you belong to me and no court order is going to change that!" Ryan heard Zach say and he lost all control. He grabbed Zach, pulled him off Summer, and hit him twice in the face before punching him in the stomach and Ryan felt a familiar crunch and he knew he had broken one of Zach's ribs. "If you ever, and I mean ever, come near my girlfriend again, so help me God I will kill you. That my friend, is a promise! Do you understand me?" Ryan's voice was cold when he spoke and he waited to for Zach to answer before he went to console Summer.

Ryan was only allowed to hold a hysterical Summer for a second before Seth spoke up behind them, "Wow, you… And you… You're… Wow…" Seth said as he pointed to Ryan and Summer. Ryan was startled and knew their secret was out. He realized he had to do damage control and unwillingly let go of Summer. "Listen Seth, it's not you think. I was just…" Before Ryan could continue Seth interrupted him by saying, "I saw how you two kept looking at each other and I told myself that 'jeez, they have it bad for each other' and I felt bad for however you were dating because clearly you were more into Summer and I couldn't understand why you didn't bring your girlfriend and then I realized that maybe you wanted to spent some time with Summer but you were being all elusive and I thought that maybe you didn't admit want to admit your feelings for Summer but this, this I didn't suspect! Why didn't you just tell me you were seeing Summer? What was with all the cloak and dagger?"

Ryan was gob smacked at Seth's words. Off all the ways he had imagined reacting to his and Summer's relationship, this was certainly not one of them! "I just, I don't know, thought that you wouldn't want me to date your ex…"

"Dude, seriously? Summer and were like a three week thing and that was like, a million years ago. I have Anna if you haven't noticed. Why would you think I wouldn't be okay with you and Summer?" Seth asked, clearly confused.

"If you put it like that, I think I was kind of stupid. It's just that I had only just reconnected with you guys and I didn't want anything to jeopardise that. So… Are we okay?"

"Yeah man, more than okay! I had also just reconnected with you and I wouldn't let a little thing as you dating Summer come between us. I knew from you're the phone call between the two of you that I accidentally overheard that you loved whoever was on the other side more than live itself and because that is how I feel about my Anna, I know how that feels. Moreover, when I think about it you two really do make a great couple. Now, you go comfort your lady whilst I get security to throw out this ruffian and we can get back to celebrating my wedding!"

As Summer and Ryan danced Summer couldn't help but feel fulfilled. Her life was perfect. Even though she said she was okay with it, she was a bit disappointed that Ryan didn't want Seth to know about them. But having him throw caution to the wind in order to safe her made her feel extremely happy. She felt safe, loved and at peace in his arms and she knew there was nowhere else she would rather be.

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_Okay, you are lucky. I've typed a bit every night before I go to sleep and it all came together to make this chapter. I'm posting a whole lot sooner than I first expected but we should all be happy about that! When the next chapter will be up, only time can tell. It won't take longer than a week though, that's all I can promise._

_Everyone in my study group smokes so now I've become a second-hand-chain-smoker and let me tell you my throat is friggin' throbbing! But you don't want to know that. Enough of me sharing pointless information. Let's get on with the blackmail: I've decided that I am going to disregard the review count and not say 'I won't update this story unless you review', I'll instead tell you I have a month left to life and if you want me to finish this story before I die, you will let me know. _

_Right, the review button is your friend, please use it!_

_Bye bye now!_


	25. The Course Of True Love

**HELLO POSSUMS!**

**It's me! I'm back after an entire month of being absent!**

**I'm not going to bore you with details about where I've been or why haven't updated. Just know that if you read and review I will update. It's a simple math really… Read + Review Update**

CHAPTER 25

_The course of true love never did run smoothly…_

It was the day after the wedding and Summer was still shaken up about the whole Zach situation. Summer and Ryan were in their apartment catching up with all their reading and papers they had fallen behind on. Ryan wasn't really getting anywhere, thoughts of Zach manhandling Summer kept plaguing his mind and he couldn't keep his mind of Zach's words. Finally, he decided that enough is enough and he closed his books with a sigh. "Okay, I was hoping that you would bring this up on your own but clearly you aren't planning on doing that so I'll just have to railroad you. I know you and Zach had a bad break-up but and I guess it's my fault for not pressing you for details. I think that I probably took it for granted that you knew all about my bad break-up with Marissa and I didn't realise that you were, no offence, just about as screwed up as I am. Zach said a few things yesterday that made me realise that I had to talk to you about what happened so now I am going to give you the chance to tell me what went down because it kills me to know that someone hurt you and I don't know about it…"

During Ryan's speech Summer felt her heart sinking. During their entire relationship she thought that she would get away from rehashing her painful past with Zach. She didn't know how she was going to let Ryan see that it wasn't because she didn't love him that she hadn't told him the complete truth regarding Zach, it was just that it was too painful to reopen all those old wounds. Ryan's trust in people trust was at best frail and if she told him that she didn't want to talk about her history with Zach she ran the risk of losing his trust, and if she lost his trust, she could just as well lose Ryan entirely. Damn you Zach! Summer thought resentfully. She hated that after all this time he was still able to affect her and her life so appallingly. She sighed as she realised that she was going to have to choose between keeping Ryan and keeping her pain locked away. To her, the choice was undeniably clear – Ryan was the only thing that mattered to her. During the entire she was debating within herself Ryan just kept looking at her and the look of love in his eyes almost brought Summer to tears. That look made Summer's choice even easier.

Summer released a breathe that she had subconsciously been holding before speaking. "Okay, I'll tell you but no remarks please, let me get this out first. When you left I had no idea who I was anymore. I couldn't be the shallow Newpsie anymore because I had saw the bad side of life and I couldn't be all broody because in all honesty, nothing bad happened to me, it all happened to you. When Zach came along he was, at first, the constant force I needed in my life. He was everything my father wanted for me, water-polo player, honour student, son of a senator, everything. Then things started to get bad and in my screwed up mind I think, no, I know, I blamed myself for everything. At first he was just verbally abusive but systematically it grew worse, but he never hit me where it would leave scars – he was smart like that. It culminated into one big fight where he broke my arm in two places. My father hit the ceiling when he found out, until then I had been able to hide everything from him but he pieced it together and made me get a restraining order against Zach. The Newport community remained blissfully unaware because Senator Stevens begged us to keep it quiet and I wasn't prepared to have my dirty laundry washed in public so we all agreed. That's why I chose to come to Portland. When we first got together I was very scared that it would be a repeat of my previous relationship but you restored my faith in people…" Summer was in tears at the end of her diatribe but Ryan's look of love and devotion never wavered for a second. Ryan reached over to Summer, pulled her close to him and said "Sum, I would never, ever, do anything to hurt you like that and hearing you say what happened makes me wish that I beat the crap out of that guy. I'm furious at him for what he did but I'm also grateful that he did what he did…" When Ryan saw Summer's confused look he continued "Think about it, if he wasn't such a psychotic asshole, you would probably never have come to Portland and thus never have, shall we say, reconnected, with me. You see, in the end we have Zach to thank for us being together!" Summer couldn't help but laugh at Ryan's ridiculous, albeit true, rationalization. She snuggled into his chest and softly said, "Let's forget about everything for a while. Let's just sit here and be…" Ryan chuckled, pulled Summer closer and said, "yeah, I think I could do that…"

The next three months were pure bliss for Summer and Ryan. If possible Summer fell more in love with Ryan with every passing day. When he had a night shift at the hospital he would buy her, her favourite breakfast even though he would rather just crash. Unbeknownst to Summer Ryan had secretly bought an engagement ring. Even if they don't get married for the next five years, Ryan thought to himself, he would atleast have something tangible binding Summer to him. The ring wasn't something spectacular but he knew it would mean more to Summer than any expensive ring ever could. He had the proposal all planned out and for the two weeks leading up to it he was like a little kid in a candy store.

Summer couldn't understand why Ryan was so giddy. For two whole weeks solid he was all scatterbrained and secretive. When he told her that he was planning a romantic diner at their flat she was intrigued. Even more so when he told her to "dress up". She kept on running scenario's through her mind but she couldn't think of a single reason for the diner. She was positive that it was neither one of their birthdays or their anniversary.

She choose a black, knee length, off the shoulder Donna Karan dress because, when in doubt, go with a LBD. When she emerged from their bedroom (to where Ryan had banished her earlier in order to set everything up), she was greeted by the sight of Ryan in his tux and their living room bathed in the light of a thousand, or so it seemed , candles. The sight nearly took her breath away. "Ryan… You shouldn't have…" Summer gushed but Ryan only shrugged and lead her to the table and pulled her chair out for her. "Mi lady…"

They spent the entire diner comfortably chatting about everything and nothing but Summer could see that Ryan was visibly nervous. When they finished dessert, white chocolate mousse, Summer's favorite, Ryan took her hand and lead her to the couch. He kept hold of her hand as he looked deeply in her eyes and said "There is something really important I have to ask you…" Here it comes, Summer thought to herself. "I have never been more happy in my life than when I'm with you. Looking back at all the bad we had to endure I see now that we had to go through it in order to get where we are now. I would go through it all one hundred times if it meant that I we would be together in the end. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Summer, I love you more than life itself and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Summer Roberts, will you…" Ryan didn't get the chance to finish his sentence because his cellphone started to ring. Summer didn't realize what Ryan was trying to say so she reached for his phone. "No, leave it, they'll call back I want to finish this." Ryan said, clearly irritated by the call. "Ryan, what is it's someone or something important? It could be the hospital phoning. You have to get this." Summer said as she handed Ryan his phone. Ryan gave Summer back his phone and said "No. This is more important." Summer once again didn't grasp what Ryan was trying to do so she answered his phone on his behalf.

"Ryan's phone, Hello."

"Hi, can I speak to Ryan please?" the voice on the other end of the line said. Summer recognized the voice but she couldn't quite place it.

"Sure. Who can I say is calling?" It was a cheap trick to find out who was on the other end but she didn't care.

"Marissa. Marissa Cooper." As Marissa said her name Summer handed the phone to Ryan, clearly pissed off.

"Here Ryan. It's your other girlfriend…" she said and angrily stalked off into their room and slammed the door.


	26. The Truth About Romeo

**Chapter 26**

**The truth about Romeo**

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**Aloha!**

**It is I and I am back! I hope you like this chapter; it's something different than what I usually do. Let me know what y'all think! This week's chapter is ispiared by Pancho's Lament song "The truth about Romeo." Give it a listen, you'll love it.**

**Ten-four good Buddies!**

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The next morning as Summer was waking up she reached over for Ryan and when she didn't find him there she was dazed and confused for a while before the events of the previous evening came flooding back to her. She lay in bed and she felt sickened by what she had said and done. The memories were like a maelstrom in her head…

_She could hear Ryan's muffled conversation as she was pacing back and forth in their bedroom like a caged animal. The way Marissa said Ryan's name had made Summer sick to her stomach. She knew the Cohen's would never give Ryan's number to a Newpsie – never mind a Newpsie that almost caused Ryan's death, and that meant that he himself had given his number to Marissa. It wasn't so much that he had given Marissa his number that killed her it was more that he had given her his number and never told her. More over, he had contact with his ex-girlfriend who had literally driven him insane and not told her, the person he was supposedly in love with and it made her wonder that if he was hiding this, what else was he hiding fro her? She heard Ryan end his conversation and release an audible sigh before he knocked on the door and said, "Sum? Babe? Can I come in?" He didn't wait for her answer before he opened the door and hesitantly stepped inside. Summer was still pacing as she spoke, "So? What's your story? When where you planning on telling me about her? Where you planning on running away with her before you said, like, anything to me? Because seriously Ryan I would love to know!" Ryan looked perplexed and reached for Summer but she stepped backwards, avoiding Ryan's arms. "Summer, it's not like that. Clearing the air with the Cohen's and Seth was such a weight of my shoulders that I decided to clear the air with Marissa as well and it turns out that was just as much as a weight off her shoulders as it was mine and I was glad I did it because I am now literally free of all the things that held me back. She called today to tell me that she got into NYU and that after all the crap she went through she made it out alive and she wanted me to be happy for her, which I am, but it also made me realize how amazingly lucky I am to have escaped when I did because she only just pulled her shit together. And if you think about it if it weren't for Marissa, you and I," Ryan paused to motion between himself and Summer, "we would've never happened and I owe it to her to at least be her friend. I honestly didn't think it would be such a big deal." Ryan knew he was starting to babble but the unrelenting look on Summer's face was starting to scare him. "Seriously Ryan? That's the excuse you're going to use? You didn't think it was such a big deal? If you didn't think it was such a big deal? If it's not such a big deal, why did I have to find out about your little "friendship" like this?"_

"_Because I knew that you were going to react like this!"_

"_So you were what? Just going to hide it from me?"_

"_No, I was going to tell you."_

"_When?"_

"_When everything was sorted out and after I finished what I planned tonight. I swear Sum; I was going to tell you."_

"_I don't know Ryan. All I know right now is that the guy who is supposedly in love with me is hiding his friendship of some sorts with his ex-girlfriend from me and as secure as I am it makes me wonder what else you've been hiding from me." The truth was that Summer was feeling insecure and jealous. She hated that the girl who drove Ryan to a drug that almost killed him now again played a part in his life. She hated that Marissa could drive Ryan to a drug that could kill him and she hated that she wasn't sure if she had the same effect on him. Finally she was scared that if Marissa wanted to, she would be able to take Ryan from her. It was a truth universally known that the best form of defense is attack so if she had to attack Ryan to defend herself, so be it. "Maybe," she took a deep breath before continuing, "maybe we should take a break… Think things over. See if it's worth all this." _

_She could see the hurt in Ryan's eyes and the hurt soon turned to defeat and she wasn't sure what look was the worst and the thought that she was responsible for those looks appearing in Ryan's eyes made tears come to Summer's eyes. "Look Sum, do not do this! Not over a fickle thing like Marissa! You and I are like Romeo and Juliet. She's just Rosaline. I thought I loved her, until I realized what love was and you made me realize that! Please Summer. Please." She refused to let Ryan see how she was feeling so she motioned for Ryan to leave the room and said, "The truth about Romeo and Juliet is, in the end they kill themselves and in the end was it really all worth while? You should sleep on the couch tonight and we'll talk about the living arrangements tomorrow…" Ryan just left and as Summer was getting ready for bed she could vaguely hear Ryan walking around and when the sounds stopped and she assumed Ryan went to sleep on the couch. Summer only drifted off to sleep in the early morning hours…_

When she finally finished digesting the events of the previous evening she spoke out loud, as if chastising herself, "What the hell was I thinking!? Ryan's not the kind of guy to break up with because you are feeling insecure!" She knew she had to talk with Ryan, apologize to him and make him see that what she had said was the biggest loud of crap. She loved him and he loved her and she would just have to get over her insecurities! She jumped out of bed with the purpose of finding Ryan and never letting him go.

"Ryan. Ryan I'm sorry!" She yelled as she entered their living room. She came to an abrupt stop as she saw that Ryan was nowhere to be seen and that it was clear that Ryan never slept there either. She became panicked when she realized that after their fight Ryan left and didn't say anything. When she stopped hyperventilating she came to a decision: she was going to find Ryan and beat him at his own game- he was the king of the BRG, big romantic gesture, and she would make the biggest BRG ever.

As she went to get her handbag to leave on her quest, there was a knock at the door and she ran to open it, in the hopes of finding Ryan there. Instead she found Luke. "What did you do?" Luke said as he pushed passed her. "I'm sorry what?"

"Don't play dumb with me! I warned you not to hurt him and you did just that! He wouldn't say anything so I have to ask you, what did you do?" Summer decided she had to tell Luke everything. She needed all the help she could get for Luke to help her, he needed to know the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. She told him the story and when she finished she was shocked at Luke's reply, "We need to find him. Like now. He came to my room last night and he was babbling that you guys where over that he did something that you will never forgive him for and how you hated him. I thought it was just a fight so when he left and said he was going to do something to sort all of this out, I thought he was going to come to you and sort things out but now I think he went to score some heroin. Shit Summer, I think Ryan is about to do something REALLY stupid." If Summer was worried before Luke came, she was in a full on frenzy now. They grabbed their stuff and decided to split up and search for Ryan.

Summer was almost in tears when after two hours of searching she still had not found Ryan. She was about to call Luke when she saw a familiar looking blonde head appear come around a corner. She was about to run up to Ryan when she saw familiar looking head of Lacy Chambers appear by his side. She saw Ryan laughing as he kissed Lacy on her cheek and give her a hug. She was seriously pissed off now. Here she was worrying her ass off and Ryan was busying cheating on her. She turned on her heels and got in her car – she didn't know where she was going but she had to get away from Ryan. He had just broken her heart. She didn't know how but somehow she wound up in Newport.

When her phone rang and she saw it was Luke she debated whether to answer or not. She decided to answer because Luke was maybe still searching for Ryan and he needed to know what a jerk his best friend was. "Hey Luke"

"Hey Sum, where are you?"

"I'm in Newport; I'm staying at my dad's. Listen I found Ryan… Apparently he's not so heartbroken after all."

"Yeah… About that. I found him as well. He's looking for you."

"Tell that asshole I never want to see him again! He doesn't deserve me!"

"What? Why?"

"While we were searching our asses off for him, he was busy macking on Lacy Chambers." She gave a sardonic laugh before continuing "At least he wasn't cheating on me, because technically we were on a break."

"Wow, is that all? You know Ross; you should seriously get the details before you jump to conclusions. Lacy Chambers got engaged yesterday. Ryan was congratulating her. He told me as much himself when he came by looking for you…"

It felt as if the world lifted off her shoulders when Luke said that. "Really?"

"Yeah. Apparently, and if you tell him I told you this I will kill you, he was looking to score some heroin when he realized that wasn't the answer. He was looking for you and he ran into her and she told him that she and Austin St James got engaged. All of your doubts were someone else point of view." Summer was feeling giddy all over. Her BRG could still come into play…

"Thanks for calling Luke. If he asks, you can tell him I'll be back tomorrow."

Summer was getting the plans for her BRG into motion when she saw Ryan leaving the hospital after obviously having seen her father. She was curious about why Ryan went to see her father and she ran up to him.

"Summer! I was looking for you! I think we need to have a talk"

"Yeah. I think so too. What were you doing at my dad's" Ryan looked flippant when he said.

"Oh it's nothing. Let's go grab some coffee and we can have that talk…" Ryan was clearly trying to change the subject and that made Summer even more curious.

"No, first tell me what you were doing at my dad's"

"Could we just drop it and go have that chat…"

"I think you should first tell me what you were doing at my dad's…"

"I realized I was doing something backwards and I was trying to do it the right way round. Happy? Cool. Let's go have that chat, shall we." Ryan was visibly growing more and more nervous by the second and by doing so he made Summer nervous as well.

"Be clearer because you are starting to scare me."

"Can we not do this now?"

"No, we are doing this now."

"Shit! You are sort of forcing my hand here…"

"Tough. Now spill it."

Ryan reached into his pocket and retrieved something from it; he got down on one knee and held out the open ring box out to Summer.

"Summer Roberts, will you ma…" Before Ryan could finish Summer stopped him.

"Stop. Stop right there. You better not be proposing to me right now!" Ryan was clearly confused at Summer's words.

"Okay. Why?"

"Because, you idiot, that was my BRG!"

"Your what now?"

"My BRG! Big romantic gesture! I was going to apologize and then propose!"

"So are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Proposing."

"Yes I am."

"Oh."

"So, what?"

"What?"

"Are you accepting?"

"Yes I am."

Summer jumped into Ryan's arms and kissed him with every fiber in her body. When they finally let go of each other, Ryan said, "I'm getting married. We're getting married." He started jumping up and down and repeating it as if it was a mantra, "WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!" Summer was joining in the euphoria and was also starting to jump up and down. Ryan's was looking like Tiger and he absentmindedly jumped into the road. He wasn't looking around and he never saw the car approach. He just felt the car as it hit his body mid jump.


	27. Closing Time

This is it, guys and dolls, the end of an era. Okay, it's not the end of an era, only a story but it bloody well feels like it to me! I am very sad to see this story but I feel that I have taken it to where it was supposed to go and that if I took further, I might just ruin it. I am very proud of myself for coming this far and in many ways I think that I grew as a writer.

In other news, I can now devote all my attention (however brief) to my other story, Life and Times of an Illegitimate Heir. I am doing something that I have never done before, actual research! Yes, it's true, I am so proud of myself. I even found myself a beta! (loracj over on LJ) Ergo, I hope all of my devoted fans will now be just as devoted to Life and Times!

For the very last time (on this story anyway) I bit you farewell.

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_**Chapter 26**_

_**Closing Time**_

"Daddy? Daddy? DADDY!" Summer yelled and ran to her father who was standing in a corridor of the hospital, examining a chart. Neil Roberts was startled at first but he knew exactly why Summer seemed so anxious. "Honey. Calm down. Everything's going to be okay. Ryan is going to be okay." He stated empathically. "Have you heard anything? Is he out of surgery yet?" It was almost a whisper as it came out of Summer's mouth and the tone of voice Neil instantly recognized as the one Summer used when she was feeling especially vulnerable. "Surgery on his knee went fantastic. He's going to have a little bit of pain and due to his concussion he might be a bit woozy, but he will be fine." Neil assured his daughter before giving her a hug, just as a precaution. "That is fantastic news Daddy! I know you don't usually handle ER cases, being in plastics and all, but you helping out with Ryan it's just… It meant a lot." To Neil it wasn't the fact that Summer thanked him for helping Ryan that stirred his heart strings, it was the fact when the chips were down, and boy were they down when Ryan got hit by a car, his little girl turned to him. Summer looked down, as if she was a little embarrassed, before asking, "They said he was hit around his hip area. That is, the truck hit him round about his left hip. I just… Is everything working? Did the, um, truck, damage anything?" Confused by his daughter's question he answered the only way he knew how. "He sustained mild trauma to his hip area but nothing to be worried about… As I said, he is going to be fine." Summer shook her head, not satisfied by her father's answer. "No Daddy, that isn't what I asked. I know he is going to be fine. I asked if everything was going to be in a working condition. We just got engaged. We haven't celebrated yet. I need to know that we will be able to celebrate…" Catching on to his daughter's actual question, Neil blushed before answering, "Yeah. Everything, and I do mean, everything is going to be working fine." And adding with a smirk, "Give it a few days before you celebrate though… His, um, hips are going to be a bit tender…" Chuckling to himself because of his little joke, Neil Roberts was certain his daughter and her new fiancé were going to be okay.

With the knowledge that Ryan was going to be okay, Summer made her way to Ryan's room. A private room due to the pull her father has at the hospital. "Ryan?" Summer asked as she cautiously entered the room, her voice full of trepidation. Ryan was awake when Summer said his name. Maybe it was the joy of their up coming wedding or maybe it was the fact that he was hit by a car and came through relatively unscathed or maybe it was just his devilish wit that came to the surface but he decided to joke with Summer. "I'm sorry, do I know you?" Ryan said, whilst struggling to keep a straight face.

Summer was horrified at the fact that Ryan couldn't remember her. Al her doubts and fears were confirmed in that moment. "But my dad said you're okay. And you are okay. But you're not okay. No no no no no no no! This isn't happening!" Summer stammered, her face a flush of shock and horror. Ryan burst out laughing and slowly it dawned on Summer that she was at the business end on one of Ryan's jokes. She rushed over to his bed and gave him a slap on his shoulder. "You jerk! You really had me going there!" Summer scalded Ryan and he replied by saying, "Ah, Sweetie. You know I could never forget you! Was it that bad a prospect to have to reacquaint yourself with me?" Keeping in the joking mood Summer said, "Maybe if I had a choice I would prefer somebody else above you… But I'm too old to start dating again so you are stuck with me…" Turning serious she added, "You are okay, though, right?" Ryan smiled softly, a sight that made Summer's heart melt, and when he spoke his voice was full of love and endearment "Sum, I'm fine. The accident made me realize something though. Life is too short to fuck around with love. Let's get married."

Confused by Ryan's statement and unsure about whether he was pulling her leg again Summer rebuked by saying, "Ryan… Maybe that concussion did damage your brain a bit because you did ask me to marry you already. Or actually I asked you but, whatever. Bygones." Shaking his head Ryan said, "I know. But I'm not talking about theoretically getting married someday; I'm talking about getting married now. Today." Seeing the trepidation on his fiancé's face Ryan added, "Come on! We already live together and Luke is forever joking that we are like an old married couple so why not make it official?" Sure that Ryan was off his rocker Summer tried to cover her shock by being the voice of reason, "It's no that I don't find whacked-Ryan charming, but have you listened to yourself? Get married today?" At that stage Summer was pacing up and down, next to Ryan's bed. She was obviously deep in thought whilst she spoke, "It's insane! How can we get married today? It takes five days just to get a license, three with the help of my father's contacts. Then there is the little issue of you just having had knee surgery and having to walk around in crutches. It's insane. It's crazy. It's mad. It's nuts. It's…" Summer couldn't finish her sentence though because Ryan interrupted. "Doable. It's doable. You said so yourself that we can get a marriage license in three days with your dad's help. I can deal with three days. In three days we can get everything together. We can get Allie and Luke down here, I assume you'd want to get married here, and they could help out with the nitty gritty stuff. Plus you are clearly forgetting that I only just got rid of my previous pare of crutches a couple of weeks ago, I'm totally mobile. What do you say? Want to get married in three days?" Ryan was as giddy as a school girl when he asked that question and Summer found it hard to jump on the bandwagon with him. So hard in fact that she decided to throw caution to the wind. "Okay. Yeah. Let's do it. Let's get married in three days!" Summer said and threw her arms around Ryan, kissing him vigorously.

A thought popped into Summer's mind and she stopped kissing Ryan, much to his chagrin. "You know Summer, I'm all for abstaining before the wedding, but we have been having sex for quite some time… It's no use making me wait now…" Slapping Ryan as he was leaning in for another kiss Summer said, "No Asshat! I just realized, I'm getting married in three days! Three days, Ryan! Do you know what that means?" Ryan shook his head and Summer continued, "It means that I have a crapload of arrangements to make. Oh my God! How am I going to find a dress in just three days? I have to go and call Allie and try to get some stuff together." Summer was frantically trying to get her mobile out of her handbag, disregarding Ryan completely. Finally turning to Ryan, Summer spoke again, "Sorry to leave you like this but I have a wedding to plan!" Kissing Ryan on the cheek, Summer was out of the door before Ryan could get a word in edgewise.

Calling Allie when she was out of the hospital she was irked when all she got was Allie's answering machine. "Allie! I can not believe you're not there! You have to come down to Newport, like now. I'm getting married in three days and I have no idea where to start! I have to get a dress, I have to arrange the flowers and, bloody hell, there is so much I have to do and I have no idea where to start! Did I mention Ryan got hit by a car and is currently in hospital with his left leg in a cast? Please call me as soon as you get this message, I need to talk to my best friend!" Summer slammed her phone shut and started thinking about where she was supposed to start with planning a wedding. As she was absentmindedly walking to her car she didn't see the girl approaching her and smashed right into her.

"Sorry about that! I wasn't looking where I was going. "Summer said and bent down to help the girl pick up her handbag. "No problem. No major damage… Summer?" The girl said as she looked up. "Marissa?" Summer ventured, shocked to her core. "It is so good to see you! I didn't know you were in town! Did you come and see your dad?" Summer wasn't sure where Marissa's sudden cheerfulness was coming from, but she was distrustful of it straight of. "No, I was here to see Ryan. He got hit by a car. After he proposed. He got hit by a car after he asked me to marry him. We're getting married in three days." Summer knew she was being quite waspy but she was in no mood for any if Marissa's crap. "Can we… Do you want to…? Do you think we can have a chat? Maybe grab some lunch?" Marissa asked, her voice cracking a little at the end. Summer was softening up to Marissa, her tone of voice sounded so genuine. "I don't know Marissa, I have a lot to do and, I just, I don't know…" Summer didn't want to hurt Marissa but she also didn't know if lunch was such a good idea. "Please Sum? I really want, need, a chance to apologize to you. Please?" Relenting, Summer glanced at her watch and said, "Okay, I have one hour at the most so you'll have to make this quick."

Marissa suggested they go to the diner, a lame attempt at scoring the sympathetic and nostalgic vote, Summer thought but agreed anyway. "So, you're getting married in three days, that's sudden…" Not a good note to start on, Summer thought wryly before answering, "Yeah, it was Ryan's idea; according to him life is too short to fuck around with love."

"That's great Sum. I'm happy for you, I really am. Ryan told me he was going to propose. I'm glad you things are working out between the two of you." Summer was once again questioning Marissa's motives and was planning on making quite clear when she said, "Cut the crap Marissa. What are you really up to?!"

"Still the same old Summer. Okay here's the thing. I've been seeing this therapist and I've met this fantastic guy and both of them made me see that I've got to make things right with the people I screwed over. Ryan understood this and we've cleared the air. I wanted to tell you how very sorry I am about everything I've done to you. I was so amazingly stupid and I didn't realize what the hell I was doing. I was drunk the whole time and when I wasn't, I was hung-over. I know that is no excuse but I just want to apologize and tell you that you were my best friend and maybe I don't deserve your forgiveness but you deserve my apology. Maybe one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me?"

Seeing Marissa all cut up about what she had done she saw why Ryan forgave her. She realized that Marissa wronged Ryan more than she had ever wronged Summer and so if Ryan could forgive Marissa she was association almost forced to do the same. She wasn't going out without a bang though. "I will forgive you Marissa but you have to realize that you hurt me. A lot. That's not something you can just erase. You hurt Ryan even more though and I love Ryan more than life itself. I won't allow you to just come back into our lives to just hurt either one of us again, I won't stand for it. Friendship, on a trial basis, is all I can offer you right now…" Summer forced her voice to stay level as she spoke. "Ryan told me you are very protective of him. I'll respect that. I'm not looking for anything other than friendship, even if it is on a trial basis… Do you need any help with your wedding plans? It must be a bitch getting all your ducks in a row in only three days?" All Summer's thoughts were pulled away from Marissa and refocused on her upcoming wedding. "Do not remind me! I have so many stuff to do and most importantly, I need to find a dress!" Thinking of a great idea Summer added, "In fact, maybe you can help me out? Do you still know the lay of the land? And by the lay of the land I mean Fashion Island? I have no time to hit Rodeo Drive so Fashion Island will have to suffice. I need a shopping buddy, you interested?"

"Interested? I am more than interested! Fashion is like my religion! Let's go…"

It was three days later and Summer was standing in the Cohen's guest room, putting the finishing touches on her makeup. The Cohen's had convinced Ryan and Summer to hold the wedding at their house. It was all they could do to stop Seth from getting confirmed on the internet and marrying them himself. "Has Allie called?" Summer nervously asked Marissa, her stand in bridesmaid. "No… Nothing yet. I'm sure something very important must have happened to cause her to miss your wedding." Even though she knew she shouldn't, Marissa was still a little hurt that Summer had replaced her as her best friend. She deserved nothing more and Marissa was glad that Summer had at least invited her to her wedding. "I can't believe I am getting married! This is too soon… What was I thinking? We can't get married, we're too young, and we're still in college. I can't do this. I can not do this." Out of the blue Summer's nerves started to get the better of her. She was planning on running when the door suddenly opened. "Summer Roberts do not dare freak out! Your BFF is here and everything is going to be okay!" Seeing Allie made Summer jump up and down with delight. "Allie you skank! Why have you just decided to show up here!? I have been going out of mind! In case you haven't noticed I am getting married today…" Summer was frantic and her voice betrayed her. "I was in New York. Cliff's parents were having their 20th wedding anniversary and they rented out an entire hotel. You would've known this if you bothered to check your messages during the last four days. Lucky for you, I do check my messages and I came as soon I could. Now, put me to work. It's not everyday your best friend gets married! You look amazing by the way! Is that a Vera Wang you're wearing?" Summer was ecstatic that Allie was there. All the people who mattered to her in the world were going to be present at her wedding.

Ryan was nervous. More nervous than he had ever been in his entire life. He looked at the people sitting in the pews and he had to smile. They were all there, Sandy, Seth, Kirsten, Neil, Luke, Allie and even Marissa. He was surprised when Summer informed him that she invited Marissa. He wasn't about to start questioning his wife to be and just took it in his stride. They had agreed that they were going to keep it small and, in Summer's words, quaint. He was just happy she agreed to marry him today and he wasn't bothered about the details. "Dude, it's about to start." Luke, the best man, said when Neil stood up to go meet his daughter. Ryan took a deep breath when the wedding march started. He watched Summer, his future wife, stride down the path to the altar. He had to swallow his tears of joy when Neil handed Summer's hand to him and he could see the tears in the older man's eyes as well. "You look amazing… I love you." Ryan whispered when he bent down and kissed Summer.

The entire ceremony was a blur to Summer. She could only remember bits and pieces of it. She remembers her father holding her hand as she walked down the aisle. She remembers Ryan kissing her when her father handed her over to him. She remembers Ryan whispering into her ear when he kissed her but his exact words remains a mystery to her. She remembers the guy with the white collar saying "Dearly beloved we are gathered here today…", but after that it is all a blur. She focused on Ryan and his smile mesmerized her. Her only coherent thoughts were "Ms Atwood. Misses Doctor Ryan Atwood. Summer Atwood…"

She was pulled from her reverie when the priest said, "Ryan and Summer decided to write their own vows. Summer, you can go first…" For a moment she panicked that she forgot the words she so delicately out together, but when she started, the words seemed to come with alacrity. "You're beautiful, every time we touch. When you make me laugh, when you think too much. You're beautiful without your clothes, everybody knows your love for me, and it shows. It shines through, everything we do. I need you, I'll swim across a crowded room just to whisper in your ear, and I love you more than is humanly possible. You're beautiful in your ugly shoes, you know that I still hate them, but I'll stand by you. I want to shout it from the roof tops, shout it to the moon. Ryan, you are the one for me and I know one day you'll forgive me this Jerry Macquire reference but you, you complete me."

She saw Kirsten dab away a tear and she saw Anna hug Seth closer. "Okay Ryan, now it's your turn…" The priest said and Ryan took a deep breath before giving his vows, "The people on the bus say that love is like the morning dew, only here until the sun rears it's head. Maybe love is like the rain, it'll bless the earth in patches. I say that as John Lennon prophesized, love is all around you and that all you need is love. You are the one for me Summer, you are all I need. Forget to forget me, remember to remember me. I'll be at your side through good times and rage blackouts, sad times, bad times and even all the mad times. You are my nicotine and caffeine. I am addicted. I am afraid that the sad part of the matter is that you are stuck with me."

Looking back, Summer is certain that important stuff happened in between the vows and what she next remembered the priest saying but it just didn't matter to her. She was looking at Ryan and he was looking at her and his eyes assured her that they were doing the right thing. They also assured her that he loved her and she hoped her eyes gave Ryan the same assurance. "I now pronounce you husband and wife!" The priest said and turned to Ryan, "You may now kiss the bride…" he added before turning back to the people. "About damn time!" said Ryan and kissed Summer tenderly, yet lovingly.

The reception was also held at the Cohen residence, because of the small number of guests. Ryan held Summer close as they spoke with everyone. The sound of something hitting a glass pulled Summer and Ryan from their conversation with Seth and Anna on how it is to be a newly wed. "Ladies and Gentleman. My name is Luke, the best man. I'm sure you all know this but some of you haven't seen me and I thought it was a good time to re-introduce you to me. Anyhoo, none of you are here to look at my drop dead gorgeous face so I would like you to raise your glass to the newly weds, Ryan and Summer, may their days be filled with joy, their night with passion and everything in between with happiness! To Ryan and Summer!" Luke gave his toast and drank from his champagne before saying, "I now call on the groom to give us a speech before the couple will have their first dance. Summer asked me to underline the fact that Ryan choose the song for their first dance and that she can in no way held responsible…"

Ryan took Luke's spot and he was visibly nervous. "I'm part of the Oregon state debate team and I have never been this nervous before a meet" Ryan said with a bit of a giggle, something Summer found astoundingly cute, and continued "In my entire life I was used to being the brunt of the litter. Having to always for second or third or even last. All I ever wanted was to have a normal life but as it turns out, you can't always get what you want. Instead, as the philosopher Jagger pointed out, you get what you need. I no longer want an ordinary life; I need an extra ordinary life. I don't want to settle for just anybody, I need Summer Atwood in my life. I didn't know what it was to love somebody until I met you, Summer, my wife. Wow, I have a wife. It feels good to finally feel the way I do. I'm letting go of all my lonely yesterday's, I've forgiven myself for the mistakes I made and no there is just one thing, the only thing I want to do, I want to love you Summer. Only you for the rest of my life…" Allowing for all the ooh's and aww's Ryan paused before adding, "Summer, would you do me the honor of sharing this dance with me?"

Summer was no longer trying to hide her tears but was allowing them to flow freely. She reached for Ryan's hand and had to laugh out loud when Groovy Kind Of Love started to play. "You couldn't pick something more cheesy could you Atwood?" Summer joked to Ryan but he merely shrugged and said, "I thought it fits. Don't you, Atwood?"

_When I'm feeling blue, all I have to do_

_Is take a look at you, then I'm not so blue_

_When you're close to me, I can feel your heart beat_

_I can hear you breathing near my ear_

_Wouldn't you agree, baby you and me got a groovy kind of love_

_Anytime you want to you can turn me onto_

_Anything you want to, anytime at all_

_When I kiss your lips, ooh I start to shiver_

_Can't control the quivering inside_

_Wouldn't you agree, baby you and me got a groovy kind of love_

And once she listened to the lyrics she had to agree with Ryan.

_When I'm feeling blue, all I have to do_

_Is take a look at you, then I'm not so blue_

_When I'm in your arms, nothing seems to matter_

_My whole world could shatter, I don't care_

_Wouldn't you agree, baby you and me got a groovy kind of love_

Looking back at all the storms they have weathered, Marissa, drugs, Lacey, abandonment issues, her father, trust issues; she was certain they could weather any other storms that came their way. As long as they faced them together. That knowledge left her with a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. She settled her head on Ryan's shoulders, felt him pulling her tighter and smiled, letting the music and Ryan flow over her…

_**END**_


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